Get 2 Choppin

What the F@#k is wrong with the world today? Don’t even think about answering that because I am going to tell you. There are certain things in life that just don’t make sense. For instance why are people such morons when it comes to traveling on a plane. Show some integrity and act like you’ve been there before.

First off, when traveling why does every one feel the need to find the biggest carry-on case they can find. These friggin’ morons are standing there stuffing their oversized bag into a tiny ass compartment while the rest of the plane is sitting in their seats waiting for these a-holes to sit the f@#k down so they can get to their destination on time. The extra large bags better be filled with dildos and lube because they are sure f@#king everyone. I now know where all the retarded kids from kindergarten that tried to stuff the square peg into the round hole ended up, on my friggin’ plane.

Second, what would make any person in their right mind bring an infant on a flight? These screaming shit machines are more annoying than kids that use the attention deficit disorder excuse. Seriously how f@#king hard is it to pay attention for more than five minutes. Well if that is the case I have an, I don’t want to listen to your shit excuses disorder. Rule number one: Anyone that shits into a diaper shouldn’t be allowed to fly. That kills two birds with one stone because then I don’t have to wait for some hunched over old person to slow roll down the aisle and have to use the bathroom ten times before take off and suck on their false teeth the entire flight.

Third, the slimming down of the seats is not an injustice upon the fat people of the world. It is a f@#king hint. They should have something similar to the carry-on measurement tool. It could be the shell of a person that can fit comfortable into the seat if when you stand in it there is any overflow you are booted to the freight plane where you get your own crate and a feedbag and a fat camp brochure.

I feel bad for the airlines, I mean with increased weight in the plane because of the fact that on average 1 out of 3 Americans is obese, their profit margin is getting increasingly smaller. I have a solution though they can remove all floatation devices and just tell people to hug a fatty in case of emergency.

What the f@#k is wrong with this world. Is it just me or is the exponential growth of No Integrity Sellouts increasing at an ever alarming rate? It reminds me of a joke I submitted to numerous popsicle companies in an attempt to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a joke writer for popsicle sticks: What is another name for a kosher zing?  Judas. Get it Judas. Think about it and chew on that one for a minute, like a hotdog at a bar mitzvah.

Speaking of Judas, he is the ultimate No Integrity Sellout. What the f@#k was he thinking betraying the son of God, like that one isn’t going to get back to the big scout leader in the pop-up tent in the sky. Good call on that one Judas, that is about as f@#king ingenious as falling for the story about forty virgins waiting for you in heaven if you strap some C-9 to your back and wrap a towel on your head. As Pee Wee said in his playhouse, “Mecca lecca high, Mecca lecca hiney ho with an extra side of no integrity sellout sauce to go.”  

That is where get2choppin.com comes into play, we are the official unofficial NO-I-SE reductionists. That is because we are the NO Integrity SEllout pollution removal experts. The key to pollution is dilution, that is why we here at Choppin’ nation are trying to instill our integrity based values upon our surroundings. The key with integrity is consistency. The foundation of the Integrity Tree is only as strong as the roots of consistency that anchor and ground you. It is like the tree that Charlie Brown brings home that with one little ornament bends over like a first time convict at a maximum security prison. Nobody wants to live like that. 

You will easily recognize a No Integrity Sellout because they are wishy-washier than a genie at a laundromat.  Just in case we are not around when you encounter one of these wastes of space, I recommend applying the following procedure to ensure your safety and own integrity. The necessary reaction when spotting one of these individuals would be to approach them in a brazen matter and say, “What the f@#k were you thinking you slapdick hack” and call out their lack of integrity so everyone around them knows to put up the Standing Room Only sign because we have a sellout folks.

*in the above case you may have to splash some water on the face before initiating the no-integrity callout*

P.S. What the f@#k are you still doing reading this, have some integrity and get out there and make the world a better place. 

What the f@#k is wrong with the advertising world these days. Is it their sole purpose in life to piss off the consumer so that they won’t buy the product or is this some reverse pyschology bullshit they are trying to pull where they won’t take the annoying commercial off the air until we buy enough units of their product.

Take for instance the car commercial, I believe it is Saturn, where a young couple comes into look at a car and everytime they get near it the alarm sounds. The camera pans to the top of the dealership where a black guy is repeatedly clicking the panic button while the dealer says, “I can just put a sold sign on it” but the buyer says “no this will work”. I want to choke that motherf@#ker everytime I hear that commercial (and usually I am out of the room when it comes on and it just boils my blood instanteously). I want to know what the point of this commercial is and I want to know what they are trying to say.

Is it that the black guy most likely lives in a bad neighborhood and will need to be sure that the panic button and alarm work?  Is it that the black guy has some deep seeded envy against the white couple after years of oppression at the hand of “the man”? And why is it just a single black guy? Where is his family? Or is it some subliminal social and racial driven commentary that the car company is making regarding the black nuclear family? or lack of a black nuclear family? 

Either way it is annoying and should be pulled from the air.  The other commercials that are annoying are the ones that deal with people with frequent urination problems. I don’t need to know that this exists. What happened to keeping all of our problems locked up in a neat little closet? I mean do I need to know the exact reason why my parents or grandparents are running to the bathroom every ten minutes. Wasn’t it back in the day just normal for someone that was up in age to have a weak bladder, I mean isn’t that the whole fun of getting older and wearing a diaper again. If I can’t piss and crap myself when I am older than shoot me now. 

F@#K I want to wear a diaper right now; I mean think about going to a ballgame and not having to leave your seat to take a leak or if you are at a party and you go to another one no more having to stop because you broke the seal. You can just let it flow.

I mean if I were an ad executive I would accumulate every Budweiser, Coors Light (especially the twins commercial) and Miller lite commercial and take a cue from how those guys do it. You could take a bunch of old people and put them at a dance (throw some contemporary music on the scene) or bingo and they could all have adult diapers on and when some old guy whizzes or shits themselves they get a big grin on their face and then they wink at their date as the annoucer says, “Is your bladder ruining your climbing the social ladder? Does your having a good night depend on how many times you have to go to the bathroom? Well use Depends undergarments and don’t let anything get in the way of you getting into her granny panties?” Wink, wink, nod, nod and squeeze her droopy ass.

Now that is good advertising.  

Seriously folks, what the fudgesicle is wrong with the world today. For instance just the other day I was on a leisurely drive through the Michigan country side and I saw two amish kids on rollerblades. That doesn’t even make sense. They won’t allow curtains or electricity in their houses but their kids can put on some go getters with wheels and skate til their little religious hearts desire. The next thing your going to tell me is that some Jewish high school sports team is playing a saturday afternoon double header and the jews’ parents are even taking down a couple ballpark dogs in the process.

I could almost believe that a woman or a black person would be president of the great U S of A before I would have thought that I would see amish kids barreling down a back highway on rollerblades. Come on I am just kidding there is no way that a black person or a woman will be president of the U S of A. I mean unless I am missing something. 

Gee don’t get so sensitive you pansy ass liberals. Have a sense of humor, I mean what happened to the bra burning, free love,war protestors of the late sixties oh yeah that is right they are cashing in their social security checks before the system collapses and generation x and next is left to care for them and change their depends. They jumped on the republican gravy train the minute polyester shirts with huge collars and snorting coke off your wall street boyfriends c%*k went out of vogue in the late 80’s.

Seriously, What the f@#k is wrong with the world today when you can’t even snort drugs off a dudes weiner without being labeled a maladjusted societal reject.  Just kidding that is a disgusting habit and I am glad I licked it a long time ago. Get it I licked it. That’s funny, but seriously there are bigger issues at hand like the fact that the American Idol winner will end up being more popular than any presidential candidate. I think the solution is to just have an American President contest on Fox. Ryan Seacrest would have to host and you have three judges. Some black guy that says “Dawg” and “Yo yo yo” is a necessity to represent minorities and a ditzy woman to say something like “you could take away woman’s right to vote and I would still love you” and then a sarcastic Brit for no other reason than it would make good TV and those brits are probably still pissed off about the revolutionary war anyway.

The public could text in or call in their vote and each week a candidate would get eliminated. Simple enough for me.  Obviously this would eliminate any ugly people from the candidate pool because, well, ugly people don’t get good ratings. What the f@#K is wrong with your world today?