Get 2 Choppin

This just in folks. There is an approaching storm on the horizon and we at get2choppin.com suggest you take cover because in about two seconds there is going to be some scattered flurries of F-bombs and a downpouring of blood-boiling venom. The howling hurricane-like winds of anger are about to suck you up and spit you out like a two-bit whore sucking cock on a friday night at the local speedy-Q at least that is where I hope I might find her. The blistering bitterness of the harsh reality of unchoppinness that is about to be released is about to hit you smack dab in the face like a fucking roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris on Walker, Texas Ranger.

Apparently I missed the fucking memo about the upcoming bizarre arctic winter that is about to hit us. I checked the old Farmer’s Almanac and there is nothing to be concerned about or is there? The fucking craziness of it all, it’s betwixting. I mean it appears there will be a foot-deep layer of snow that is covering the ground yet it will be warm enough for women to wear skirts and leotards that look like they were stolen from Jane Fonda’s box of clothes for the thrift store. I mean what other fucking reason could there be for all these scatter-brained women to be wearing these God damn knee high furry boots. They fucking look like somebody killed a chipmunk and wrapped it around their calf. I think these fucking things are called Ugg boots but in my opinion they should be called ugly boots (which is by the way what they started out being called). Don’t go all pscyho on me if I spelled it wrong because I don’t give a flying fuck if you take a leap off a ten-story building with an eleven-story long bungee cord.

I mean ladies, we ain’t in the middle of fucking Alaska hunting for baby seals to club and bring back to the igloo for dinner. Shit, we ain’t even in Colorado on some snobby-ass ski slope just standing around sipping Bailey’s and coffee at 12 dollars a cup. On top of it your wearing some damn mini skirt that barely covers your ass, it makes no fucking sense. They should be called ugh!! boots because that is the sound that every boyfriend and husband makes when his girlfriend or wife tells them they want a pair for their birthday or christmas.

If she wants to go trekking through the damn Himalayas like a fucking sherpa then by all means by her a pair, oh wait by the fucking way they are completely fucking non-functional boots. You can’t strap them into a ski and you sure as hell can’t strap them on and climb a fucking mountain.

Hmmm wait a second that might not be a bad idea. I mean lets just say your relationship is on the skids. Why not give her a pair of those boots with no traction and try to fix things by going for a moonlit walk on a slippery mountain cliff. I mean what can it hurt. Just kidding, but seriously.

Hi This is Dick Wiley your weather guy in the sky coming to you today on the fly from the Get2Choppin Chopper. The upcoming weekend of July 13th through the 15th is looking a little hazy due to intense bouts of intoxication, but don’t fret all you unhappy campers cause the docter has a cure; that is, Dr. Fine has the answer. They are the equivalent of shoving a 1000 volt electric powered curling iron up your butt and jumping into a cold tub of water. They are equal to eating a cold front and sweating a hurricane out every single pore in your body. Well when they rock Triple C’s on Saturday the 14th it looks like it will be partly crazy on the dance floor with a high probablity of some sexiness. So don’t forget to bring your galoshes and raincoat cause you never know whose sweat storm could drench you. This is Dick Wiley reporting from the Chopper chopper, back to you Dan and Ed.