Get 2 Choppin

I don’t know who did it or how it happened but there is something in this world that is so annoying that it makes me want to rip the teats off mommy cats with my teeth. The techno savvy high school kid that has the attention span of a fruit fly having sex with another fly that has an itchy trigger finger if you know what I mean but at the same time is as dumb as a stump when it comes to the world around them. This world wide web has somehow simultaneously opened their eyes to other “worlds” and shut off their brains.

This mutant breed of cell-phone carrying, myspace extravagant layout ignoramous is going to be the future of this country. I am scared. These acne covered, hormoned filled eggheads couldn’t find their way out of a wet paper sack without the use of their i-phone.  I mean I wasn’t solving world hunger when I was a teenager well I was planting the seeds of choppinness so I guess that counts.

We definitely need to go 300-spartan style on these ‘tards and let them loose in the wild and wait til the strong survive and come back. Maybe even go Lord of the Flies and drop them off on some island and let them fend for themselves. Just kidding, but seriously.

As smart as these pompous no it all shit-heads think they are, I mean they are all honorary doctors and lawyers in their heads, why can’t they figure it out that when they commit illegal acts of underage drinking and stupidity that is not uncommon in this species that they shouldn’t plaster it all over the web for anyone and everyone to see. I mean yes I have taken some photo’s that may have included some decadent debauchery but I am a choppin’ legend and have earned my stripes.

Anyway we were all young and in high school once but seriously has the cool factor of this next generation dropped that much, it obviously has peaked with the choppin’ nation (of course we blew the motherfucking roof off the cool condo a long time ago). There must be something in the water that makes it impossible to have any meaningful conversation unless you say “IDK NVM TTYL LOL ”, I think I would rather try to teach monkeys to stop picking insects out of other monkey’s fur and eating them then to try to teach a teenager who thinks his shit don’t stink and will probably be working mall security in five years. 

Can anyone tell me why these immature fucks live in opposite land. They all think they are the biggest, baddest mo-fo’s around yet the girls are one “hey fatty” comment away from doing the two finger tickle on the back of their throat in attempt to puke up that bosco stick and crouton they ate for lunch while the dudes are one date rejection away from kissing pipe the rest of their life. Oh well it ain’t that bad being young at least they got miley cyrus to try and knock up.

Of course as a fan of the movie Dazed and Confused, I think this quote sums it up best

Wooderson:“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

Stand back because I am one pissed off hombre right now. We are so fighting when you are a volleyball coach at a scrimmage, I repeat a fucking scrimmage, and you after losing the first of the best of two are up in the second game by a large amount and it is game point in your fucking favor plus you have the serve and you call a god-blessed timeout. That is the stupidest waste of fucking time ever. You have the damn momentum and your dumb ass calls a timeout to what remind the girls that “oh yeah ladies we are at game point so, um, make sure you get the ball over the net on the serve.” You are fucking genius coach oh yeah you are filled with a plethora of wisdom and did I fucking mention it is a scrimmage so on the ladder of does it really fucking matter, you fall just below playing a game of Texas Hold’ em for half off coupons to the local hair salon and just above who’s the first person taken in the wnba draft. Women’s sports are like watching sports underwater. Fortunately for the fans at an underwater volleyball match they could drown themselves to get out of the misery.

Oh yeah this one also goes out to the ladies. As fellows all we ask for is one night at the bar where we don’t have to listen to your stupid babbling and your usually poor choice in music. That night is usually monday and Monday Night Football. There is a reason we do not choose to watch the game with you and that is because we actually want to enjoy it. You can have friday and saturday and your jacked up price drinks. We want cheap beer and hopefully free food. So yes we do want to watch the game by ourselves that is why we go to a sports bar and no we do not want to hear anything but the game and the commentary. So If you find the urge to go to a bar on a monday and you walk in and every T.V. is on the game and there is a free buffet of build your own nachos or chili dogs and numerous fat guys are in football jerseys don’t go sliding over to the juke box looking to drop ten dollars so you can listen to the latest song by Fatknee Spears. I don’t care if you are drop dead georgeous (usually if you are going out on a monday to a sports bar I really don’t have to worry that you are stunner in the looks department) but just get your fruity ass cocktail and if you want to listen to music bring your I-pod.

Oh yeah and if you do perchance happen to be stupid enough to drop ten dollars in the juke box and a bunch of guys call you a dumb slut or a stupid whore don’t, I repeat don’t walk over to their table and go all philosophical stoner and be like, “You guys ain’t living with out the music man. What can’t you watch the game without the commentary. You ain’t feelin it, man. You don’t know what your missing”. I know that I want to be watching the game the way I want to watch it and not get a fucking philosophy lesson from some bitch that throws beyonce into the mix. Oh wise one oh buddha of enlightenment you are definitely on the right path. Shit maybe I should listen to some philosophy lesson from some booze hound it might make me a better person. Fuck that.

We are so fighting has found another person or groups of people in this society that deserves to get their ass kicked for their selfish and ignorant behavior. Those people are the ones that constantly can be found on numerous highways around Michigan and in fact the entire country and are the reason why most of us have to sit in long lines during construction periods. The person that speeds up in the left lane, refuses to get over when he should and merges late deserves to get their ass kicked on a regular basis. The worst part about it is they get mad at people who purposely stick their cars out to stop them and give them a gentle reminder that we are all in this together and if we follow the rules we will work things out in an orderly fashion. So this is what I propose to the Choppin’ Nation, we start a Crash Car Fund where we collect donations of money or old cars and we turn them into steel wrecking balls on wheels. Then after listening to our eye in the sky, Dick Wiley, for the construction report we would then drive around on the affected freeways and use our reinforced demolition machines to give these people gentle reminders of humanity’s need for order.

The inagural post of, We are so fighting, deals with one thing that will get you an automatic Get Your Ass Kicked ticket. That thing is wearing sunglasses indoors at night. First of all it is dark out and there is no need for sunglasses and second you are basically a douche bag for thinking that it is cool. That is so not choppin’. You are even pushing the limits by wearing sunglasses and putting them on your head like you may actually use them. Okay it is night out and you will not need sunglasses so don’t put them on your head because you can’t use them. This post may sound like it is fueled by venom and anger because it is, you douche bag losers that wear sunglasses at night or have them on your head stop it before someone from the Choppin’ nation regulates on your non-choppin’ ass. We are out there to help you and if you don’t ask that help, well then beware of the thunder.