Get 2 Choppin

The following idea popped into my head last night and after a brief text conversation with Wham Dickham, things started to take shape that could forever change how we spend our Valentine’s Day. It began with the simple concept of throwing an old school V-Day party with the decorated shoebox with the appropriate slot for maximum card acceptance. Everybody would bring little cards enough to pass around to say twenty people and they could go drop off their cards in said shoebox. Then it got ugly.

I figured since we’re altogether and it is a party, we are probably going to be having a few adult beverages. Thus, The logical conclusion to this is to make the V-Day shoebox party into some elaborate drinking game. The Cupidest and Stupidest party would still follow the same format but everyone that brings cards is responsible for writing little mini scenarios on them. After everyone has divvied out their proper allotment (say 20 scenario cards in the shoeboxes), the party gathers together and going around in a circle opens their V-Day scenario cards. The cards could either dole out drinks or require you to drink yourself.

For the Cupid’s Beaus and Lingerie Ho’s party, Wham and I came up with a few scenarios to provide you with examples of the type of jovial nature we would like this game to encompass. Here it goes (it gets better as the text conversation progresses):

John E. Bravo: I Choo Choo Choose you to do a half-zee

Wham Dickham: Love Stinks; take 5 drinks

John E. Bravo: You spin the bottle and it lands on _____? Hand out a shot.

Wham Dickham: No one loves you; take two cyanide tablets, just kidding take two drinks.

John E. Bravo: Cupid pulls back his bow-wo-ow and let’s his arrows go, straight to your lover’s heart. Give a half-zee to your “lover”.

Wham Dickham: You send your girlfriend roses but she is allergic, administer yourself a shot.

John E. Bravo: You theme for this year is Love Hurts by Kansas; take 7 drinks to dull the pain.

Wham Dickham: If your significant other is there send them a half-zee, if not do one yourself for being a loser without a date on V-Day.

John E. Bravo: You propose to your girlfriend and she hesitates and says, “I will get back to on that”, finish your beer.

Wham Dickham: You go to court for a domestic dispute with your old lady. Now you be the judge. What tastes better…a half-zee of whiskey or a half-zee of vodka?

John E. Bravo: You come home early in a cupid outfit only to find your best friend putting his arrow in your girl’s quiver; you shoot him in the ass with an arrow. You go to jail and miss a turn; he gets another shot.

Wham Dickham: You are at the drive in with your sweetie sitting shotgun; now you shotgun a beer.

John E. Bravo: (I end it with a flourish) you’re my favorite booger and I nose I want to pick you to start a waterfall.

John E. Bravo: You buy lingerie that is two sizes too small as a “hope” present for your chubby girlfriend. Now hope you get out of the doghouse before June. You get to do a hope half-zee, just hope some one is nice enough not to make it tequila.

John E. Bravo: You take your girlfriend to a fancy restaurant and credit card gets declined. It is cut in half-zee right in front of you. You and your significant other each get a half-zee.

John E. Bravo: Your brother records “bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks” over your romantic mixed tape. Take 8 drinks.

John E. Bravo: Your girl plays, “shot to the heart and you’re to blame, darling you give love a bad name” on the jukebox as a way to break up with you. Take that shot. 

As Ren says at the end of Footloose, the greatest 80’s movie ever, “Hey, hey! What’s this I see? I thought this was a party. LET’S DANCE!” The theme for the upcoming birthday bash of the year is as Astro would say, “Ruh Ro! its Retro!!”

Yes sir it is going to be an 80’s themed party at the birth celebration of one, Wicknasty. On the second stage, K.C. the sunshine man is also using his get out of jail card from the popular 80’s board game, “I’m no longer a probie, so let’s kick this habit like Reggie Roby”. For those at Less Than Zero when it comes to knowledge regarding the 80’s, he was a black punter for the Iowa Hawkeyes that was drafted by the Miami Dolphins in 1983.

So ladies throw on the side ponytail and the Jane Fonda leotard with the big saggy socks cause it is time to rock out and as the song says, “you can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind, but if you don’t dance then you don’t dance and then you’re no friend of mine”

And Fellas pull out the multi-colored track suits and French roll your Z Cavaricci jeans and put your left leg up, tilt your head back and finish the cup. Happy Birthday Wicknasty. See you soon.

P.S. This is invite only so if you don’t know, you ain’t in the flow.

Wicknasty is serious, This party is going to be off the hook!!

Some people may get the impression that here at get2choppin.com we are a group of misogynists and male chaunvinists that take delight in silliness and stupidity that is the opposite sex, but that is not true. We take in delight in the silliness and the stupidity of both sexes and some that even fall in between if you know what I mean. What is funnier than a tranny getting his junk caught in their zipper in the ladies room. Man it cracks me up just thinking about it.

Anyway get2choppin.com is considering sponsoring a party for the feminist wing of the choppin fan club. The first ever get2choppin.com Barbie-que. We will be offering a multitude of options for the party goers. We will have a chick flick room, which will be next to the lick her room for those feminists that are into that if you know what I mean. We also will be playing a couple chick flicks, Working 9 to 5: the street-walkers guide to safety after dark, The Divine Secrets of the Yo-Yo sisterhood: a tale of the unstable state of woman during that time of the month, and Adventures in Babysitting: preparing your young woman for being barefoot and pregnant.

We will of course be having cocktails, sorry ladies I mean adult beverages. There will be a wine spritzer swallow, a no means no on the beach, some Are you there God? it’s me margaritas in the gender blender, popped your cherry bombs, Bloody Mary’s for those that have a little hair of the pussycat from the night before, and a couple tall boys for those that are not into the liquor thing.

For snacks we will serve pigs in a blanket, meatballs, skewered pork kabobs, italian sausage, mini pink salmon tacos, and we will have a fondue pot with some light finger food for dipping.

The games will include pin the tail on the ex-boyfriend, twister nipples, some washer toss into the dryer, the slyvia plath communal bath, and the boy bash: pecker pinata.

If anyone has any other ideas for games or drinks or movies feel free to contact us at get2choppin.com and we will get back to you all with a date and an itinerary.   

Baron Von Bua is delightfully requesting your presence at his first annual Baron Von Bua Has Gone Bye Bye Bash. The Baron himself is to have gone bye bye to visit his fair maiden and to battle with the beer monsters in Sir Lansingalot’s kingdom, while he is gone as they say “when the cat is away the mice will drink all day”. Hence there will be a One Size To Small party. The tighter the fit, the more choppin’ compliments you will get. There of course will be contests such as who can get the drunkest, who cannot stay sober the longest, and the ever popular who can rip on bellows a.k.a. kruzer the best. So bring your One Size To Small bum to the fall extravaganza of the month of november.

*This is invite only so if you are not invited then don’t show up, loser. There is probably a reason why you weren’t invited in the first place like you are not choppin’ or you are not liked or you are ugly, so live with it.*
*If you want to get invited call ahead to place a reservation with our team of choppin’ experts*
*If you don’t come in an appropriate outfit, you will be asked to leave after we drink some of your beer and rip on you*

So while I have been in cali I was thinking since we had a hawaiian themed going away party it is only natural that we should have a homecoming party somewhere around the weekend of the 13th and 14th. I was also thinking that I would bring back a prize for the winner of the best theme. It is simple enough you send a comment with your name and your theme, now be creative because you are competing against contributors to get2choppin.com Dan “Wicknasty” Wickham and Ed “Turd Ferguson” Boyd; which i like to refer to as the champions of choppin’. Best of luck to all.