Get 2 Choppin

Folks we have exciting news for you here at get2choppin.com. The Chop Shoppe has just placed their first order for the above t-shirts. It is a limited edition print with only 24 shirts being made if you would like to pre-order your shirt email me at get2choppin@yahoo.com

The shirts are 50/50 poly cotton blend and they are running 15 dollars plus shipping and handling. Checks and money orders will be accepted. The sizes range from S-M-L-XL. So get your pre-order in now. First come first serve as they say on the tennis court. When you show up at a party wearing one of these babies you will be the envy of all your friends and plus all the non-choppin people that you don’t know at the party. The shirts will be arriving March 10th, 2008 so don’t delay it’s choppin t-shirt season all the way. 

I would like to thank you all for checking out the chop shoppe. It is your lucky day because today I am going to help you change the direction that your pathetic attempt at life has taken. It is the last day of living in loserville and time to move on up to a deluxe apartment in the choppin’ condiminum complex. It is the first day of the rest of your life on the choppin’ side of the life spectrum.  

No more feeling like somebody shit in your Cheerios; no more feeling that you are the dog poo on the bottom of society’s heel; no more drinking from the swill at the bottom of the forty ouncer of life; no more getting the stink finger from the long arm of the law. You can be the man (or the woman that is dating the man). You are probably asking yourself, John E. Bravo, how can I do this?

With my patented system you can get out of your dead end job and live a life of luxury. You can have your Ho’s before and after your Bro’s. You can have your cake and eat it too, even before dinner.  You can party like a rockstar and swim with the dolphins like you are a make a wish kid. You can rub the genie in the bottle just to tell him to fuck off, you don’t need no stinking wishes.

All it takes is for you to order my simple seven page book titled, “10,245 easy steps to financial freedom through complete manipulation of the ’system’ that the ‘man’ has in place to keep you down”. Like I said today is your lucky day because I am going to give you the first three steps for free. Step 1: buy my other book titled, “System, Smystem: how to break the ice without falling in and freezing your butt off”. Step 2:  learn Mandarin and fast because steps 4 through 10,245 are in the Mandarin language because it is cheaper to produce the books in China. Step 3: A penny saved is a penny earned unless you rip your pants picking it up.

Take this testimony from one of my first clients Chip Endale , “After reading John E. Bravo’s book I took my life savings of $73.15 and turned a down market into an upswing double draft maneuver and the resulting power play allowed me to quit my job as a welfare recipient and part-time shop-lifter, and meth manufacturer. It was so simple even a poo-flinging monkey could be rolling in gold pieces instead of his own feces”

If that isn’t enough testimonial for you I suggest you buy my book, “More testimonies from my homies.”    

Well, Well folks it is your lucky day, because today on the Choppin’ Shoppin’ Network’s number one show The Chop Shoppe hosted by veteran TV gameshow host and newsanchorman Dick Wiley we have a special offer for you that not only will help improve your lifestyle but will be going toward a good cause. More on that cause later.

Right now I would like to present to you the Super 100 Percent Automatic Choppin’ Nation Dice-O-Matic 3000 Coolness Converter. Now you may be asking old Dick Wiley what is the Super 100 Percent Automatic Choppin’ Nation Dice-O-Matic 3000 Coolness Converter? and how will it help improve my life? Well let me tell you that this handy dandy choppin’ apparatus is to coolness converting what the ginshu knife is to never ending sharp knives that cut through stuff that doesn’t even need to be cut but is just done to prove a point. All you non-choppers run to the bathroom and get a towel because in no time when I tell you what this can do for your lifestyle you will be drooling like a fat kid outside an Old Country Buffet right before the doors are unlocked. This coolness converter simply will change your life as my assistant Vanessa Vanderhosen will demonstrate.

First you take any non-choppin’ material that is cluttering your house such as those big sunglasses all the starlets in hollywood wear, or a vanity license plate, or non-approved alcoholic beverages, or ugly clothes, etc. etc. the list goes on. Within seconds after pressing the deconstructing button you will have a little cube of condensed non-choppinness that is easily disposable. You may think what is that going to cost me? thousands of dollars? No for three easy payments of 49.99 it can be yours, but that is not all folks. Included in that same price is the reconstruction portion of the coolness converter where by simply placing Choppin’ items; such as sweat pant capris, designated choppin’ beverages, Red Hot Coney Island Chicken Fingers Pita, pictures of present choppin’ legends, parts of old dixie choppers, etc. etc., in the apparatus’ central bin and then after pressing the Choppin’ button you will produce a clear paste that you can rub over your body and within weeks you will notice a distinct Choppin’ effect on your lifestyle and how people relate to you.

If you are one of the next twenty-five orders you will also receive an autographed 100 percent original copy of the Magical Pond Story by its author Btt45. On top of all that you will be helping a person in need with this decision of yours. 100 percent of the profits, after the five-tenths appearance and endorsing fee goes to the Choppin’ company, will be donated to the Wham Dickham Tractor Sex Safety Initiative.

With a heavy heart I have to tell our captive audience that inventor of tractor sex, Wham Dickham was injured in a unfortunate tractor sex accident where he accidentally switched on the blade and ended up losing a big toe and now he just walks around in endless circles. This money will help him with his wish to have transplant big toe surgery to correct this deficiency. So your support means alot to the Choppin’ Nation.

*this is not 100 percent guaranteed to work on people with varying amounts of non-choppinness but what else do you have to lose*

**it will take up to six to eight weeks for us to lose this apparatus in the mail but still have time to cash your check or money order**