Get 2 Choppin

I know the get2choppin.com fan base looks upon us Legends as if we were unicorns or leprechauns; mythical creatures that you truly believe in and can only hope to come in contact with some day. That is why I thought I would show you despite this status we are quite down to earth individuals with normal everyday issues just like the lay people. The following conversation between John E. Bravo and Wham Dickham is proof positive of this (the following transcripts are taken from the Legend’s chat line):

The conversation starts simply with:

 John E. Bravo: I’m bored.

Wham Dickham: Watch some reruns of M.A.S.H.

John E. Bravo: I already watched two episodes.

Wham Dickham: Well, write a post about how cool I am.

John E. Bravo: I don’t like to lie.

John E. Bravo: Zing.

Wham Dickham (in a bit of shock): Wow.

John E. Bravo: Got you good on that one. (Switching to matters of employment) You sure will have a lot of work to do tonight.

Wham Dickham: Did you get the call up for tonight?

John E. Bravo: I haven’t got the call from Big Mike O’C so it looks like no.

Wham Dickham: You still awake?

John E. Bravo: Yeah I am watching a movie.

Wham Dickham (expressing some emotion and concern regarding the hazardous nature of his job as a Snow Blower Technician and Hazardous Driveway Consultant and Snow Safety Inspector): Damn I’m scared. So what movie?

John E. Bravo: Elizabethtown.

Wham Dickham: She sounds hot.

John E. Bravo: It has Kirsten Dunst. She is my new favorite cool chick actress.

Wham Dickham: I hate her. So my knee is killing me (an old tractor sex injury) but I’m ready to plow (he is dedicated to his craft).

John E. Bravo: We might not be friends after than comment. How can you say that about her?

Wham Dickham: She hates Germans.

John E. Bravo: She is German and I love her.

Wham Dickham: You want to kiss her.

John E. Bravo: I already did if you count my TV.

Wham Dickham: Man what should I do until plow time?

John E. Bravo: Jumping jacks to keep your core temperature up.

Wham Dickham: naked?

John E. Bravo: Yes, you don’t want to sweat too much.

Wham Dickham: In front of the mirror to keep form?

John E. Bravo: Duh, and also take a video so I can judge your performance.

Wham Dickham: LMAO dude. Didn’t see that coming.

Wham Dickham: JUST GOT THE CALL!!

Wham Dickham: I hope I make it out alive!

John E. Bravo: Me too, if not though I got dibs on your TV and Game systems.

Wham Dickham: You got it, no iPod?

John E. Bravo: I will play it at the funeral and give it to K.C. the Sunshine Man.

Wham Dickham: You are a bigger man emotionally than you are physically.

John E. Bravo: Wow that is a huge compliment I think and if it isn’t I am taking it as one anyway. Good night and be safe!

Wham Dickham: Hugs and Kisses…

John E. Bravo (finishing his sentence like the other half of an old married couple): and best wishes.

See just another ordinary run of the mill conversation between two normal people.

Eyes Wide Open…

It is not often that I am the newbie on the scene being that I am the elder statesman of the get2choppin.com board of legends and in fact an original founding member of this site but today I was indeed the rookie. It has been along time since I have had to endure the hardships of the newbie hazing ritual and man are my eyes wide open after today.

First off, I joined the O’Connell Landscaping crew as a favor and as a additional fill in for some Fall clean up jobs because the hourglass of time didn’t have enough salt in it to season my morning eggs and Old Man Winter was starting to knock on the door. Time was of the essence.

The day started out great as Wham Dickham, or as like to call him Boss-Man, and I hoped in the dump truck and headed to the job site after refueling the mammoth metal machine. We headed to pick up the ginormous leaf vacuum and Wham pulled the first zing with an earlier morning shanghai by saying, “Hey let’s us both grab this and hook it up and then as I lifted the heavy piece of equipment he walked away. After that we were off. The view was beautiful from the elevated front seat of the dump truck’s cab and as I got my first glimpse of the Birmingham truck route. I really started to feel like a manly man as we sang Christmas carols to add to our jovial mood.

It was all fun and games as Wham and I pretended to make a pizza with the leaves on the tarp before we had to pull it toward the sidewalk. Wham would yell for some, “I’m a gonna make-a da pizza pie. I need a pepperoni, a pronto” and I would gladly toss a pile of leaves on the tarp and say, “Here is a your pepperoni, would you like a some extra mozzarella also, Luigi.” Later we pulled out the French magician as we both grabbed the tarp to dump the leaves with a little flair and when we tossed the tarp aside and said, “Viola, I make un pile de leaves appear out of nowhere.”

I did learn a few tricks of the trade from Wham Dickham. He taught me how to be a fullback lead blocker through a pile of wet leaves and he taught me how to make a huge tarp diaper that we used to pull about a ton of Mother Nature’s crap. Of course by we, I mean me. As I would be grunting and pumping my legs only to look over and see Wham barely straining as he talked to his bossman.

Things got a little rough for me after that. The next job was all about breaking in the rookie raker. It started with Wham on the big blower and me clearing the way for him. He gave me the nod to clear out the muddy leaves in front of him and looking to impress the Bossman I went right to work. As I pulled the muddy leaves out of the trench Wham revved up the blower and covered me with the mud and crud of Mother Nature.

After that he started flinging poo at me like a monkey only he had a 20 horsepower blower that had me ducking and dodging flying projectiles of dog poo like they were ninja throwing stars, unfortunately I took a few pieces of shit shrapnel to the backside. Side note: Why are rich people so fucking lazy when it comes to pickup their own animals shit. Seriously either pay someone to do it or get rid of your dog of snobby bastard.

The day of hazing wasn’t over yet. With my bladder about to burst, Wham advised me to go behind the garage and take a leak. Unbeknownst to me was two of the neighbors’ dogs that thought I was a burglar and started yapping like I stole their favorite chew toy. Well played, Dickham. Well played.  So the obvious course of action was to pee in the owner’s garage into a PowerAde bottle, as I am relieving myself in walks Mike and says, “You’re peeing, huh.”    

My eyes are definitely wide open to the devious underbelly that propels the world of hazing in the landscaping industry. I am glad I am putting my time in because the next rookie is sure going to get it from me I can guarantee that.