Get 2 Choppin

Funny story, recently I was shopping at my local grocery store decked out in my black get2choppin.com “grind my gears” t-shirt when I noticed a young buxom lady in my periphery steadily following me and moving closer and closer. Her lips were slightly parted. It was if she wanted to ask me a question, but couldn’t find the words. I went about my business and grabbed a pomegranate and fondled the fruit checking for any bruising and what not. I caught her looking and quickly tossed that pomegranate grenade in the air in her direction and calmly said, “Think Fast”.

She was startled and dropped her recycled hemp grocery bag, but she caught the flying fruit.  I meandered over to the fresh vegetable section. She picked up her bag and walked over to me and asked, “Why did you toss that fruit at me?”

I replied, “Well it’s rude to stare so I assumed since you don’t look like a rude person that you really wanted that pomegranate. You’re welcome.”

She was flustered for a second because she knew she was staring. She was busted but she quickly went DJ mode and spun the tables on me and asked, “I wasn’t staring at the fruit, I was trying to read your T-shirt. Get2choppin.com, are you a cook or something?”

Well this wasn’t my first time at the disco and I responded, “Well you could say that (I mean it is a free country and you can say whatever you want, but notice how I don’t answer the question and thus don’t enter into a falsehood which is a horrible way to start a relationship mind you), my name is Ben Dyson” as I extended my hand I asked, “and you are?”

She hesitantly extended her hand and said, “My name is Penny”.

As I bent over to kiss the top of her hand I said, “I don’t think I’d trade a penny for my thoughts ever again if one cent had as much value as your smile” and I gave her mischievous wink. It was like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory; I found my golden ticket in.

She blushed and as I reached for a turnip, I asked her, “Did you know that in ancient times the turnip was used as an aphrodisiac? I guess you can really turnip the heat in the bedroom if you know what I mean.”

She knew what I meant.

Before I knew it I was stirring my ladle in her bowl of sex soup if you are picking up what I am putting down. The menu special was steamed clam and sausage. She was sweatier than a sous chef after a twelve-hour shift on mother’s day. After our mid-afternoon melee on the mattress, she laid her arm across my chest and looked me in the eyes and asked, “I could really use something to eat?”

 I responded, “Well why don’t you be like Applebee’s and make it curbside and go”. Her jaw dropped and with a slight pause for added effect I continued, “just kidding, but seriously, get your ass in the kitchen and make me a sandwich and oh yeah why you’re up make yourself one too”.  

This is Chef Ben Dyson and boy do I have a surprise for you today. Recently at a friendly gathering at the Wham Dickham household when the hunger bug was biting like a mosquito in the bayou, get2choppin.com celebrity Chef Seanie Sears came to the rescue with his midnight Mac n’ Cheese Madness. These munchies hit the spot like an expert dart player nailing a triple 20 to end the game.

Side-note:  By munchies I do not mean the kind of munchies that Wagon Train O’Neil eats on her weed watchers diet after a clam bake session in the Astro-van.

Midnight Mac n’ Cheese Madness compliments of Chef Sears:

First gather up some milk (not skim), butter, flour, shredded cheese of your choice as well as your favorite noodle shape (elbow, penne…), and some bread crumbs, as well as any seasonings you like, but salt and pepper are a must.

Next get a pot of water with a few tablespoons of salt and place on some high heat for the pasta follow the box accordingly, as well as about 4-5 cups of milk in another pot.  Just heat the milk, do not boil. 

Then melt about 4 tablespoons of butter in a pan, mix in equal parts flour until the mix looks like wet sand, and cook for 2-3 min, do not brown this mix. 

When the milk is hot, add flour mix, using a wire whisk mix constantly to dissolve this mix.  Milk should thicken.  Now start adding cheese, add a cup or so at first, then let it melt and taste for cheesiness, add more based on your personal cheesiness factor, also at this time check for proper seasoning (i.e. salt/pepper), and adjust as needed. 

In a new pan, melt 3 tablespoons butter and mix some breadcrumbs into this, about 1 to 1 1/2 cups.

Cook noodles until slightly undercooked, drain well and place in casserole dish, top with cheese mix, spread breadcrumb mix evenly over the top.  Bake in oven at 350 degrees until bubbly and breadcrumbs are brown, approximately 20-30 minutes.  As Chef Sears says, “Pull it out and enjoy the hell out of it.”

Sometimes we forget about the little wonders of the world like the incredible edible egg. Since the day of the caveman and his quest for the delectable pterodactyl egg and its powerful protein proportions this valuable nutritious commodity has been filling our bellies from morning until night (there is nothing like a late-night greasy omelet from a 24 hour Coney Island or the equivalent type of restaurant and personally I would lean toward the vegetarian omelet that is swimming in feta cheese with hash browns and wheat toast with strawberry jam).

The egg is such a marvelous gift from God. It comes in its own pre-built protective case that is structurally one of the soundest on the planet. Ever notice the escape pods on most futuristic space vehicles in movies how they use the egg shape as their basis, coincidence I think not.

The question of which came first the chicken or the egg is one philosophical conundrum that has in its answer all that humanity seeks. If you ask me God is hiding inside that little eggshell of a question just waiting for someone to warm him up so he can poke on through and say, “hey guys its me God. You didn’t think I existed did you? DID YOU? I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU AND SMITE YOU ALL but oh yeah don’t worry I forgive too!!”

Let’s get back to the egg. You may think the egg is not all it is cracked up to be but I say this little guy is more than just the incredible edible egg. It has egg-cellent etiquette as you can see by the picture above. I mean what other food is willing to forgo the fact that you don’t have your best face on in the morning and look you straight in the eye and see you for who you really are. What a great little guy and if you think any different than the yolks on you because the egg also makes a great projectile especially with Halloween coming up so you better watch out and not egg me on. Your question won’t be whether the chicken or the egg came first, it will be should I duck before the egg hits me in the forehead.