Get 2 Choppin

Well the days are drawing near when, technically, I will be one the many homeless roustabouts running wild in this downtrodden country. I have given up my apartment and am going underground for six weeks. This is my last official post from the desk of choppin’ headquarters. I will be on remote location for the next six weeks then who knows.

A few notes:

Note 1:

If you are a young middle school age individual walking four abreast on the sidewalk thoroughly expect to get a tongue lashing from me, and not the good kind of tongue lashing if you know what I mean. I recently encountered four skanky middle school age girls who did not have the courtesy to move when I was riding past them on my mountain bike on the sidewalk. As I was going past them, I kindly told them, “How about you dumb fucks move next time.” After a mumbled mouth full of metal reply that I couldn’t understand I replied, “Get the fuck out the way next time or I will T-bone you cunts” and I proceeded to peddle off. Hopefully lesson learned.

Note 2:

Parents, and by no means am I being Mr. Creeper in the white van, if your daughter dresses like a skank in middle school there is a severely high probability that she will be a skank in high school. I’m not saying to dress them in Amish outfits with collared wool dresses that cover their ankles but come on unless you want to be babysitting your grandchild while your daughter goes to junior prom I would suggest trying to pay more attention to what they are wearing when they are walking out of your house.

Note 3:

Go see The Hangover. Hands down it is an instant comedic classic. I mean if there is another movie that makes you want to roofie yourself and your friends and then spend the next two days piecing the scrambled clues of the ensuing debauchery together well I sure as hell can’t name it. For all of us that have woken up wondering why we have no underwear on or have found the oven left on with a tray full of smoldering black pizza rolls or have gone through the McDonald’s drive thru to get breakfast unaware that we have permanent marker hieroglyphics all over our face, then this is the movie for you.      

Well like the rumbling, stumbling tumbling weeds of the Mojave Desert I’m outta this joint like a c-sectioned baby.