Get 2 Choppin

I must confess that I’m a tad bit overly sensitive about certain things. For instance I pride myself in taking care of this magnificent body that God gave me by following a strict exercise regimen and a healthy diet (albeit occasionally interspersed with French onion dip and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream). Those in the inner circle of get2choppin.com know that I, John E. Bravo the spokesman of g2c, have solemnly sworn to live and breathe the “Crossfit” lifestyle and uphold its credo that states, “Our warm-up is your work-out”. Yes, Crossfit is basically stating that they are better than you, which is why I love it. You want to see my abs? Well too bad, but close your eyes and run your hand over a storm grate and you’ll get the picture.

The founder of Crossfit honors fallen soldiers, firefighters, and police officers by creating workouts that reflect the toughness of that individual (and profession) and thus solidify the memory of the fallen forever in the realm of our consciousness every time this HERO WOD (Workout of the Day) crosses our paths. The latest Hero workout was entitled “Hansen” and was tough beyond belief. Trust me. Jokingly amongst my “friends” after the workout I changed my status to say, “John E. Bravo thinks the ‘Hansen’ Hero workout today was about as easy flowing as a deaf person singing Mmm Bop”.

This apparently did not go over very well amongst one of my “friends” who immediately commented, “Tasteless”. I do not understand how he could consider it tasteless, unless he means that it is a very bland statement and I need to spice it up. I just figured Facebook is not in Braille so they would not even be able to read it, ouch sorry my bad, blind people read Braille not the deafies (speaking of Braille, if a blind person ran their hands over my abs, you know what it would say to them: sexy). Honestly do you think if deaf people heard themselves sing they would be offended by that statement, all I’m saying is they are a little off key, kind of like Cuba is off Key West. Do you think deaf lawyers get sick of attending all those hearings? Okay I’ll stop. Am I still within earshot? …How about now, can you hear me?

I wish to let my “friends” and readers know they should follow this simple rule regarding things I write whether it is on Facebook, get2choppin.com or the guys bathroom at fast food restaurants (sorry about that one Wham but we always have a good time when we go out and I thought others might like to join us also): Never Take Anything I Say Seriously (Unless I preface it with an asterisk which means *this is comment is really serious).

 *I despise people that cannot take a joke.

*If I were blind I’d have a license plate that read, “CU L8TR”.

*If I were blind I’d drive a car built in Europe and sit in the  passenger seat and make it look like I was the driver.

 *If I were deaf I’d have a bumper sticker that read, “I can’t hear your honking not because I’m deaf but because I don’t give a fuck”.