Get 2 Choppin

All right, all right, I’ll write already. Get off my back you’re like a 2-ton purple gorilla with bad breath, even if you tried to get sneaky on me and creep up stealthy I would still know you’re there cause your breath smells like a mix of gasoline, dog crap, and your mom’s guacamole dip (which I hear is excellent mind you and if I wasn’t too busy fucking her I would’ve tried some. Zing, got you good on that one because we know your mom’s guacamole is about as good as her BJ skills. I mean the fact she is still using teeth at her age is ridiculous. Come on, you’d think the slaps in the back of the head would have taught her something. Double zing, I really punched her in the face).

       Enough pussyfooting around, I want to kill you. I hate you. Yes, I hate you and by you that doesn’t mean me because I’m super lovable and good-looking and can deadlift a small foreign car with two smelly foreigners in it. Who wouldn’t love me? But you, I fucking hate your guts. Nag, nag, nag that’s all you do. There I said it. Does that make me a bad person, probably just a tad bit but fuck you I hate you now it’s your fucking problem to deal with. Maybe you should try and be more congenial and bake me some fucking cookies, or cupcakes but don’t get chintzy on me those mother-fucking cupcakes better be funfetti and have sprinkles or you’ll be getting a flurry of fist and funfetti upside that noggin of yours.

Of course you would try and bake me some cupcakes. You sucker. Do you honestly think you can fucking go and buy my love with some measly fucking cupcakes? You’re gay! That is a horrible idea, why wouldn’t you just give me cash or even those nifty gift cards that are basically cash but say, “Hey I took the extra effort to turn my cash into plastic so you can turn it back into cash”. You lazy fucker, just give me the cash for fucks sake, but don’t think you’re buying my love, maybe renting it, but not buying it.

 Why I ought to rip your face off and put it on backwards so you can see how stupid you have been acting. One more mistake buddy and I’ll be sending you back to the friend farm to do a little manual labor, maybe just maybe you’ll learn that when you plant the friendship seed that you have to nurture it for it to grow properly and sometimes it takes a little shit to get the best out of that plant. You can toil in the soil, but remember it’s all about being loyal.