Wednesday
Apr082009
Choppin Confessions: I Costanza in the Shower
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at 10:21AM
I was just having myself a lovely old day when a thought occured to me, do you ever consider how dirty somethings may actually be? I mean as a bachelor I realize that the base of the toilet (not the seat mind you I do have manners) is a magnet for urine. I mean, yeah, I could turn the lights on at night to increase my accuracy or even just pee in the shower/tub. I mean I can't miss that bad but I really don't care anyway and there is something a bit romantic about urinating by the soft light of the moon. Don't get all molly maid on me, I'll get to cleaning it eventually (like the hour before a guest stops in for a visit).
You know another thing that baffles me is dust. I swear that I could dust something and three weeks later there is another thick film of dead skin particles blocking my view of The View. What is up with dust? and where the fuck does this shit come from? I feel like the theory that suggests a huge meteor crashed and created this huge dust storm that supposedly killed all the dinosaurs is the reason behind my apartment being so damn dusty but the conspiracy is that those fucking lazy dinosaurs hated dusting so much that they chose rather to go extinct than clean. Those large lazy fucking lounging lizards.
Which gets me back to the George Costanza. Yes I Costanza in the shower (it prevents athletes foot thank you very much) but as Wham who was unfortunately struck with a poop pain at the gym and had to fill up the dookie jar and was thus forced to shower afterwards to insure a pleasant workout experience minus the stinky, sweaty, shitty shorts that could have arisen from not showering, a thought popped into my head. What else do people do in the shower? I mean can you just imagine the layers of jerk off juice, spank sauce, love lava, etc. that missed the slow floater ride down the drain train because they decide to stick around for the next poor sweaty sap to shower away the grime from his exercise time.
This could be the most brilliant idea ever and for the sake of mankind and sperm free feet at the gym I am giving it away in hopes that somebody will step up to the plate. I think someone should invent cellphones that come equipped with a black light so you can do a quick forensic sweep before hopping in the shower (they could also be used at hotels, rental car agencies, and amusement parks - don't kid yourself people there are a bunch of freaks out there). Well anyway enjoy your workout and post workout shower.
You know another thing that baffles me is dust. I swear that I could dust something and three weeks later there is another thick film of dead skin particles blocking my view of The View. What is up with dust? and where the fuck does this shit come from? I feel like the theory that suggests a huge meteor crashed and created this huge dust storm that supposedly killed all the dinosaurs is the reason behind my apartment being so damn dusty but the conspiracy is that those fucking lazy dinosaurs hated dusting so much that they chose rather to go extinct than clean. Those large lazy fucking lounging lizards.
Which gets me back to the George Costanza. Yes I Costanza in the shower (it prevents athletes foot thank you very much) but as Wham who was unfortunately struck with a poop pain at the gym and had to fill up the dookie jar and was thus forced to shower afterwards to insure a pleasant workout experience minus the stinky, sweaty, shitty shorts that could have arisen from not showering, a thought popped into my head. What else do people do in the shower? I mean can you just imagine the layers of jerk off juice, spank sauce, love lava, etc. that missed the slow floater ride down the drain train because they decide to stick around for the next poor sweaty sap to shower away the grime from his exercise time.
This could be the most brilliant idea ever and for the sake of mankind and sperm free feet at the gym I am giving it away in hopes that somebody will step up to the plate. I think someone should invent cellphones that come equipped with a black light so you can do a quick forensic sweep before hopping in the shower (they could also be used at hotels, rental car agencies, and amusement parks - don't kid yourself people there are a bunch of freaks out there). Well anyway enjoy your workout and post workout shower.
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