Get 2 Choppin

I understand the focus for the multitudes of mere mortals who visit the gym on a semi-regular basis is to hammer out their one-arm seated bicep curls (which are handy for instance because you never know when you will need to save a baby by lifting it off the ground from your lazy boy) and to "pound the pavement" on the elliptical trainer at a blistering pace that brings them right up to the point of breaking a sweat (but not actually sweating, which is funny because when fat people step outside in the summer they sweat faster than a Hindu at Dunkin Donuts during a shift change at the local precinct but yet in the gym the tubbies seem oblivious to the natural cooling effects of the body). It is these same easy, me-get-no-queasy exercising nincompoops whom simply ignore the elements of Feng Shui in the gym because it is not be a huge concern to them, but to John E. Bravo the Meathead Mojo is the number one priority when it comes to getting in a good workout. 

It is all about the Chi. If the weights in the gym are not properly aligned in the correct and optimal Feng Shui position then my chakras will be tighter than a straight guy's butthole at a San Francisco techno festival. The Meathead Mojo can be easily thrown off by the jackasses that place the 25lb plates where the 35lb plates should be and God forbid some Tough Guy Tom decides to put the 45lb plates where the 10's should be, the only pr (pr is short for personal record for you Jane Fonda jackholes or you Muscle and Fitness mimicking morons that couldn't power clean their way out of a dirty snatch) that is going to be shattered is that dudes puckered rectum when I shove a ez-curl bar up his ass sideways and trust me there ain't nothing ez about how that will feel.  Man that shit grinds my gears as if I was Driver's Ed teacher that was stuck with the only manual transmission in the fleet and a car full of blondes.

I understand alot of you Machine Circuit Work It types don't ever make your way over into the free weight area except to use the dumbbells for your sidebends but somehow this area is always messed up. First, if you are not strong enough to put the weight back where you found it, then go jump off a fucking cliff (I'd say hang yourself but I'm not sure if you're strong enough to tie a decent noose knot to get the job done). Second, if you are not smart enough to figure out that the heavy weights go at the bottom and then the lighter weights follow up the weight tree accordingly then you need to adminster a fucking self-labotomy with a rusty drill and enjoy the rest of your days getting spoon fed pudding and staying the fuck out of my way.

Just know that if you fuck with my Chi (pronounced Chee) then me, Bad Boy Bee, and Dangerous Dee will be be all over you like Gene Simmon's tongue on a popsicle.