Sunday
Apr192009
Choppinomics: Shopping at the Job Market...
Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 04:26PM
The bumblebees are buzzin' in my brain and something is telling me it is time to start looking for a new job. The economy in Michigan is on shakier ground than San Francisco during the great earthquake of 1906. Companies are crumbling faster than a homeless person's cardboard house after a heavy snowstorm. I figure it is high time I get my resume together before the bottom falls out of this thing and stockbrokers are doing seventeen story swan dives like at the start of the Great Depression back in '29.
The question becomes 1) In what direction do I want to go with my next career? and 2) which of my previous jobs are pertinent to that new career?
Of course, currently I am working as a lifesaver. It is a hard job but someone has to do it. Yes it is fulfilling, but I often ask myself WWJD(t), (Why Would Jesus Do this)? I mean some of the ungrateful louts that I save don't really deserve it but you know I take my job serious (even if the same people I save on a daily basis don't, for crying out loud I couldn't get an ounce of respect if they were giving it away free at Costco on samples Sunday. I have feelings too, you know). Well they can go to hell, and they can die.
I had a short stint as a drug mule, well I never actually carried any drugs but I did swallow some condoms filled with golf balls as practice. You never know when you are going to be in a foreign country and your identification and pants get stolen by a midget hooker with a speech impediment telling you, "no p-p-p-p-p-problemo, s-s-s-s-senor, just d-d-d-drink uno c-c-c-cerveza and s-s-s-swallow el-d-d-d-druggos and i'll give you los p-p-p-pantelones".
Then there was that time I tried my hand at gay porn, get it I tried my hand. Come on now that's funny. Just kidding, but seriously You don't have to be a jerk off about it.
I must admit my most embarrassing job was when I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch as a manager-in-training for one summer but I was appalled by their treatment of ugly people. The fact that they actually hired them was totally ridiculous. That store is for good-looking people only and that is why I was recruited and signed on. I don't care if those B-teamers were stuck in the back stocking shelves like Chinese children at a sweat shop. I was there to sell clothes to the beautiful people of the world. Do you sign up for a book club and let illiterate people join? No, just like you don't work at place that sells beauty but has ugly people working there.
Anyway as you can see I have a pretty impressive resume, so it shouldn't be hard for me to get a job (plus I'm a good looking guy which mean everything is in my favor, the statistics don't lie). Well cross your fingers as I make this plunge into the job pool, as my horribly cruel swim instructor once said before slapping me on the back and pushing me in the deep end, "Sink or Swim".
The question becomes 1) In what direction do I want to go with my next career? and 2) which of my previous jobs are pertinent to that new career?
Of course, currently I am working as a lifesaver. It is a hard job but someone has to do it. Yes it is fulfilling, but I often ask myself WWJD(t), (Why Would Jesus Do this)? I mean some of the ungrateful louts that I save don't really deserve it but you know I take my job serious (even if the same people I save on a daily basis don't, for crying out loud I couldn't get an ounce of respect if they were giving it away free at Costco on samples Sunday. I have feelings too, you know). Well they can go to hell, and they can die.
I had a short stint as a drug mule, well I never actually carried any drugs but I did swallow some condoms filled with golf balls as practice. You never know when you are going to be in a foreign country and your identification and pants get stolen by a midget hooker with a speech impediment telling you, "no p-p-p-p-p-problemo, s-s-s-s-senor, just d-d-d-drink uno c-c-c-cerveza and s-s-s-swallow el-d-d-d-druggos and i'll give you los p-p-p-pantelones".
Then there was that time I tried my hand at gay porn, get it I tried my hand. Come on now that's funny. Just kidding, but seriously You don't have to be a jerk off about it.
I must admit my most embarrassing job was when I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch as a manager-in-training for one summer but I was appalled by their treatment of ugly people. The fact that they actually hired them was totally ridiculous. That store is for good-looking people only and that is why I was recruited and signed on. I don't care if those B-teamers were stuck in the back stocking shelves like Chinese children at a sweat shop. I was there to sell clothes to the beautiful people of the world. Do you sign up for a book club and let illiterate people join? No, just like you don't work at place that sells beauty but has ugly people working there.
Anyway as you can see I have a pretty impressive resume, so it shouldn't be hard for me to get a job (plus I'm a good looking guy which mean everything is in my favor, the statistics don't lie). Well cross your fingers as I make this plunge into the job pool, as my horribly cruel swim instructor once said before slapping me on the back and pushing me in the deep end, "Sink or Swim".
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