Tuesday
Feb242009
Choppinomics: A Bit of Rough Patch...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 04:37PM
As a concerned citizen and conscientious consumer in these troubling ecomonic times, I can only hope that this stimulus package provides the appropriate amount of "stimulation". I am appalled at the amount of layoffs and cutbacks that people and businesses have been making.
For instance, I recently went to the sperm donor clinic and when I went in the private room I was throughly upset to see that the guy that worked as the phallus fluffer or as he called himself the "hand-i-stripe-urrrrrgh!" was no longer there. When I asked the receptionist about the famous phallus fluffer of the Fledgling Fallopian Fueling Foundation, she must've been so concerned about her own job security that she was in complete obeyance with company policy regarding business affairs that stated, "It's all about the specimen, whether we're more or less a man" and denied his very existence.
Poor guy but I guess that is why this nation is so great, I mean he was constantly there with a hand out ready to help, and now the government can repay the favor with its own form of a greased palm, welfare and unemployment.
They say that the auto industry has taken quite a hit but on the bright side I know one area of the auto industry that has seen an increase in the number of employed. Every day I drive in Detroit and I stop at a light I get about three guys offering to wash my windows. If you think about it, that is a 300 percent increase in the labor force in that offshoot of the branch of business sector that is ultimately governed by the actions of the Big 3. Some of these guys even have two jobs like selling bouquets of flowers or DVD's that are still in the movie theaters.
So sit back and relax, there is no need to worry. The fact that they are advertising for Border Patrol agents is a good sign because that means Mexicans are still illegally trying to get into this country. If or When that flow comes to a screeching halt, well then I would suggest you move up north to good old Canada and try to attach yourself to any woman that is out and "aboot" and work to get some dual citizenship kids on the way. Don't worry they have nationalized health care, she'll get the best epidural taxpayer money can buy.
For instance, I recently went to the sperm donor clinic and when I went in the private room I was throughly upset to see that the guy that worked as the phallus fluffer or as he called himself the "hand-i-stripe-urrrrrgh!" was no longer there. When I asked the receptionist about the famous phallus fluffer of the Fledgling Fallopian Fueling Foundation, she must've been so concerned about her own job security that she was in complete obeyance with company policy regarding business affairs that stated, "It's all about the specimen, whether we're more or less a man" and denied his very existence.
Poor guy but I guess that is why this nation is so great, I mean he was constantly there with a hand out ready to help, and now the government can repay the favor with its own form of a greased palm, welfare and unemployment.
They say that the auto industry has taken quite a hit but on the bright side I know one area of the auto industry that has seen an increase in the number of employed. Every day I drive in Detroit and I stop at a light I get about three guys offering to wash my windows. If you think about it, that is a 300 percent increase in the labor force in that offshoot of the branch of business sector that is ultimately governed by the actions of the Big 3. Some of these guys even have two jobs like selling bouquets of flowers or DVD's that are still in the movie theaters.
So sit back and relax, there is no need to worry. The fact that they are advertising for Border Patrol agents is a good sign because that means Mexicans are still illegally trying to get into this country. If or When that flow comes to a screeching halt, well then I would suggest you move up north to good old Canada and try to attach yourself to any woman that is out and "aboot" and work to get some dual citizenship kids on the way. Don't worry they have nationalized health care, she'll get the best epidural taxpayer money can buy.
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