Get 2 Choppin

It seems get2choppin.com has been driving a large part of its target audience (25-40 year old hot widowed female millionaires) away with the often juvenile humor and sophomoric content that is incorporated into the website. Therefore I, John E. Bravo, have decided to try a more traditional highbrow approach and today I am going to review for my audience the classic piece of literature, “Madame Bovary” by Gustave Flaubert.

This is a seminal piece of literature in the literary canon that has been passed down to us through the past two centuries. Its racy themes had the French in an uproar when it first came out in the spring of 1856 and the book and author were taken to trial on charges of obscenity and for inspiring moral laxity.

In a nutshell the books main character, Emma Bovary, wife to Dr. Charles Bovary, is an adulterous whore. Her constant reading of trashy romance novels shaped her moral behavior when she was younger. She wasn’t satisfied with just sitting on the couch looking pretty while her strapping, yet dull-witted, husband was out earning a living to keep her covered in expensive muslins and perfumes.

Her life in upper middle class comfort was unsatisfactory and she wanted to escape the doldrums that society had placed her in for one of excitement and romance that she thought she deserved.  She was seeking “true love” and found it in two suitors, one a lecherous playboy named Rodolphe who played her like a cheap fiddle and Leon, a simpering dote of a man who was easy fodder for the now cougar on the block, Emma.

In the end, her adulterous selfish ways and wasteful spending habits combined with an inability to balance a checkbook lead her to her financial ruin and eventually her biting the arsenic bullet. The tornado of immoral behavior that marked Emma’s life, of course, left a wide path of destruction, which wrecked the lives of her husband (who was a blind fool to her affairs) and her innocent child.

The mention of this book in literary circles brings about the dreaded F-word, feminism. The feminist undertones in this book revolve around Emma and her desire to be more than a possession. Luckily because of this book Feminists don’t have to worry about the trophy wife syndrome that plagued this era. Whew, I’m glad woman got that out of their system. The moral of the story is when your wife asks you for “pianist” lessons make sure you have her spell that for you first.

It is too bad the French didn’t have a little more foresight and could have banned this book because it probably would have put an end to adultery, as we know it. Flaubert opened Pandora’s box and, boy oh boy, she is a cheating skank.