Monday
Jul072008
Onion of the Week: Re-Gina Ferguson
Monday, July 7, 2008 at 09:31PM
I didn't want to have to do this, but drastic times call for drastic measures and it has come to just that with one person who I won't name. Oh hell I will name her, it is Re-gina Ferguson; the somewhat unruly sister of the one and only original legend, Turd Ferguson. In most cases the aura of a legend living in close proximity would be enough to overcome any shortfalls that a sibling, relative or roommate may possess, but in this case I am sorry to say that it wasn't.
Don't get me wrong this is no burden on the shoulders of Turd Ferguson. The retarded-bruised- worm-filled-sour apple, that is his sister, definitely falls far from the tree of choppin' coolness that grows at the center of this household. Poppa Ferguson is a class act that exudes cool like a rotating trio of 1000 watt halogen lightbulbs at a new nighclub. Then there is Turd. He is a legend for crying out loud, enough said or is it? I will get back to Turd Ferguson.
Re-gina has garnered the Onion of the Week for her complete lack of initiative and enthusiasm in helping out a high ranking member of the Choppin' nation. Here is a new rule Re-gina, how about if you say are going to do something; you do it. I would put a number on that new rule but I don't have the friggin' list to see what slots are open. Huh, go figure! Here is where the difference between sister and brotherly legend come into play. Turd was recently vaulted into the number one slot on the power rankings because he told someone he would pick them up and you know what, oddly enough, he actually did just that. Weird, Huh?
Well I hope this is a wake up call for you Miss Re-gina. Hopefully as things gets flushed out, you can cling onto the rim of the toilet bowl as you try to survive this shit-storm, you created.
Sidenote: It would be really low ball to use some lame excuse like, "Oh, My dad broke his ankle" especially since Wham Dickham is still going above and beyond the call of Choppin' behavior and at the same time taking care of his Super Sexy Mommacita while she is laid up from her pole dancing accident. Oh, Wham, yeah I wasn't suppose to tell you about that. So disregard the sidenote.
Don't get me wrong this is no burden on the shoulders of Turd Ferguson. The retarded-bruised- worm-filled-sour apple, that is his sister, definitely falls far from the tree of choppin' coolness that grows at the center of this household. Poppa Ferguson is a class act that exudes cool like a rotating trio of 1000 watt halogen lightbulbs at a new nighclub. Then there is Turd. He is a legend for crying out loud, enough said or is it? I will get back to Turd Ferguson.
Re-gina has garnered the Onion of the Week for her complete lack of initiative and enthusiasm in helping out a high ranking member of the Choppin' nation. Here is a new rule Re-gina, how about if you say are going to do something; you do it. I would put a number on that new rule but I don't have the friggin' list to see what slots are open. Huh, go figure! Here is where the difference between sister and brotherly legend come into play. Turd was recently vaulted into the number one slot on the power rankings because he told someone he would pick them up and you know what, oddly enough, he actually did just that. Weird, Huh?
Well I hope this is a wake up call for you Miss Re-gina. Hopefully as things gets flushed out, you can cling onto the rim of the toilet bowl as you try to survive this shit-storm, you created.
Sidenote: It would be really low ball to use some lame excuse like, "Oh, My dad broke his ankle" especially since Wham Dickham is still going above and beyond the call of Choppin' behavior and at the same time taking care of his Super Sexy Mommacita while she is laid up from her pole dancing accident. Oh, Wham, yeah I wasn't suppose to tell you about that. So disregard the sidenote.
Reader Comments