Tuesday
Mar252008
Onion of the Week #5
Tuesday, March 25, 2008 at 01:55PM
The latest onion of the week maybe a bit of shocker, but as is life people often do fall from grace. Civilizations rise and decline as much as the tide ebbs and flows. It is part of human nature to be imperfect in the eye of the legends, no human can expect to maintain the standards and pressures of the gods. We are winners, and we are sinners. We are losers and We are Kruzers, sorry that is the same thing. You get the point that as fast as you can cash that winning lotto ticket, you could also get arrested for trying to buy a hooker through the mail.
Governor Spitzer of New York is a prime example of someone who had it all and wanted just a little bit more. Of course that little bit more wanted 4000 dollar to make him hollar. I hope he at least learned a lesson from his little escapade, don't use a credit card to pay for an "escort". You should always use cold hard cash and an alias like Ted Rumford, the rocket salesman to the stars. Didn't he learn his lesson from former mayor of Cincinnati Jerry Springer when he wrote a check to his "masseuse" for that "happy" ending.
Anyway I digress (can I get a drumroll please) the Onion of the Week is our own in-house electrician Kevie. You may be astounded at this because he was recently award Chopper of the Month for his designated driving services. Well it has gone to his head. He obviously is starting to think that he is better than us because he doesn't drink. and drive.
I feel that this is necessary because Kevie has been abusing his designated driver powers and has become quite selective in who he drives. It would be like Superman flying backwards as fast as he can to reverse time so that he can get one of his buddies out of a bad blind date. It has to be for the greater good of mankind or not at all because with great power comes great responsibility. Shame on you Kevie, shame on you. Ask yourself this Kevie, would Wonder Woman use her invisble jet to fly her boyfriend to get his haircut? Would Wolverine just use his steel claws to open a can of tuna for his cat?
You need to step back and think about the ramifications of your position. Would you leave hot wires dangling out of a socket in a room full of kids? At first I didn't think so, but now I don't know. I just don't know. I am afraid at this very moment to flick the light switch that you wired at get2choppin.com headquarters. Am I to live in fear Kevie because of your actions? I think not that is why you are Onion of the Week.
P.S. What rhymes with Broken Wing in a Sling?
P.S.S. Bring the Zing. Kevie you've been zinged.
Governor Spitzer of New York is a prime example of someone who had it all and wanted just a little bit more. Of course that little bit more wanted 4000 dollar to make him hollar. I hope he at least learned a lesson from his little escapade, don't use a credit card to pay for an "escort". You should always use cold hard cash and an alias like Ted Rumford, the rocket salesman to the stars. Didn't he learn his lesson from former mayor of Cincinnati Jerry Springer when he wrote a check to his "masseuse" for that "happy" ending.
Anyway I digress (can I get a drumroll please) the Onion of the Week is our own in-house electrician Kevie. You may be astounded at this because he was recently award Chopper of the Month for his designated driving services. Well it has gone to his head. He obviously is starting to think that he is better than us because he doesn't drink. and drive.
I feel that this is necessary because Kevie has been abusing his designated driver powers and has become quite selective in who he drives. It would be like Superman flying backwards as fast as he can to reverse time so that he can get one of his buddies out of a bad blind date. It has to be for the greater good of mankind or not at all because with great power comes great responsibility. Shame on you Kevie, shame on you. Ask yourself this Kevie, would Wonder Woman use her invisble jet to fly her boyfriend to get his haircut? Would Wolverine just use his steel claws to open a can of tuna for his cat?
You need to step back and think about the ramifications of your position. Would you leave hot wires dangling out of a socket in a room full of kids? At first I didn't think so, but now I don't know. I just don't know. I am afraid at this very moment to flick the light switch that you wired at get2choppin.com headquarters. Am I to live in fear Kevie because of your actions? I think not that is why you are Onion of the Week.
P.S. What rhymes with Broken Wing in a Sling?
P.S.S. Bring the Zing. Kevie you've been zinged.
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