Sunday
Mar022008
bingo,bango, bongo V....Little E for President
Sunday, March 2, 2008 at 04:13PM
Gentleman starts your engines because it is race day. Nascar, you have to love it. Those rednecks sure no how to embrace and create a "sport". I mean what is better than sitting drinking beer and watching cars go 170 plus mph with a chance of crashing. Even being a spectator is dangerous because there is always a chance you could be eating a tire along with your elephant ear, jumbo rib sandwich, free carton of smokes, and your Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.
Think about this, we have all seen the basketball player come flying into the stands and spill the beer of some fan. The guy is all happy because some sweaty guy touched him and spilled his beer and maybe offers him a towel that he used to wipe his ass with (probably because no one likes excessive ass sweat while playing a sport). Now imagine getting your beer knocked over and being cut in half from a tire that is now a flying wheel of death. I would think it might not have the same reaction as at the basketball game, but if you did survive that tire would be a way cooler souvenir than say an arena football that got batted up into the stands.
I, John E. Bravo, would like to endorse Little E., Dale Jr. The number 88 car for President of the United States of America. He is obviously the best driver on the circuit. No one makes a left turn quite like Little E., and it is also obvious that in the past few years there has been some form of sabotaging upon this great driver's car. There can be no other explanation for his lackluster results. This year is Dale Jr.'s year to shine so watch out fellow racing competitors because rubbing is racing and the intimidator's son is on the warpath.
By the way if Tony Stewart isn't the Babe Ruth of Nascar I don't know who is. He is almost getting to fat for the car. I think that instead of gatorade or water in his car he has milkshakes. When he stops for a pitstop it is for four new tires and a pizza. There is a reason they have to take the steering wheel off to get out of the car and that reason is Tony Stewart's belly.
Also if watching cars travel in an oval isn't your gig, I suggest Fantasy Nascar. This will change the way you watch the "sport" and when you find out that Little E. is a B list driver I hope it pisses you off as much as it pissed me off.
One thing that baffles me is the beer sponsorships of cars. First they tell us to drink and drive responsibly (I always wear my seat belt and my Little E. Replica helmet and drive with thumbs up at ten and two when I do it, just kidding but seriously) but then they put their logo on cars that have been reported to tailgate, cut people off, speed, don't use turn signals, have no brake lights, occasionally bump into people without leaving any note or insurance information, and frequently get into accidents. It doesn't make sense.
Think about this, we have all seen the basketball player come flying into the stands and spill the beer of some fan. The guy is all happy because some sweaty guy touched him and spilled his beer and maybe offers him a towel that he used to wipe his ass with (probably because no one likes excessive ass sweat while playing a sport). Now imagine getting your beer knocked over and being cut in half from a tire that is now a flying wheel of death. I would think it might not have the same reaction as at the basketball game, but if you did survive that tire would be a way cooler souvenir than say an arena football that got batted up into the stands.
I, John E. Bravo, would like to endorse Little E., Dale Jr. The number 88 car for President of the United States of America. He is obviously the best driver on the circuit. No one makes a left turn quite like Little E., and it is also obvious that in the past few years there has been some form of sabotaging upon this great driver's car. There can be no other explanation for his lackluster results. This year is Dale Jr.'s year to shine so watch out fellow racing competitors because rubbing is racing and the intimidator's son is on the warpath.
By the way if Tony Stewart isn't the Babe Ruth of Nascar I don't know who is. He is almost getting to fat for the car. I think that instead of gatorade or water in his car he has milkshakes. When he stops for a pitstop it is for four new tires and a pizza. There is a reason they have to take the steering wheel off to get out of the car and that reason is Tony Stewart's belly.
Also if watching cars travel in an oval isn't your gig, I suggest Fantasy Nascar. This will change the way you watch the "sport" and when you find out that Little E. is a B list driver I hope it pisses you off as much as it pissed me off.
One thing that baffles me is the beer sponsorships of cars. First they tell us to drink and drive responsibly (I always wear my seat belt and my Little E. Replica helmet and drive with thumbs up at ten and two when I do it, just kidding but seriously) but then they put their logo on cars that have been reported to tailgate, cut people off, speed, don't use turn signals, have no brake lights, occasionally bump into people without leaving any note or insurance information, and frequently get into accidents. It doesn't make sense.
Reader Comments (1)
A. Little E blows donkey dick. He will never be half the man his dad was. There is a reason he is a B list driver and that reason is because he Blows. B. Tony Stewart is the King of present day NASCAR, and you have no right talking down on him. Not only does he have the sponsor of one of America's greatest stores, he also has the greatest nickname in the "sport." If my nickname was smoke Bellows would get pussy, because with a name like that, the tang just flocks. So before the next time you go off on criticizing one of America's icons, stop and think,"Tony drives for Home Depot."