Monday
Aug202007
The Chop Shoppe...
Monday, August 20, 2007 at 04:25PM
Well, Well folks it is your lucky day, because today on the Choppin' Shoppin' Network's number one show The Chop Shoppe hosted by veteran TV gameshow host and newsanchorman Dick Wiley we have a special offer for you that not only will help improve your lifestyle but will be going toward a good cause. More on that cause later.
Right now I would like to present to you the Super 100 Percent Automatic Choppin' Nation Dice-O-Matic 3000 Coolness Converter. Now you may be asking old Dick Wiley what is the Super 100 Percent Automatic Choppin' Nation Dice-O-Matic 3000 Coolness Converter? and how will it help improve my life? Well let me tell you that this handy dandy choppin' apparatus is to coolness converting what the ginshu knife is to never ending sharp knives that cut through stuff that doesn't even need to be cut but is just done to prove a point. All you non-choppers run to the bathroom and get a towel because in no time when I tell you what this can do for your lifestyle you will be drooling like a fat kid outside an Old Country Buffet right before the doors are unlocked. This coolness converter simply will change your life as my assistant Vanessa Vanderhosen will demonstrate.
First you take any non-choppin' material that is cluttering your house such as those big sunglasses all the starlets in hollywood wear, or a vanity license plate, or non-approved alcoholic beverages, or ugly clothes, etc. etc. the list goes on. Within seconds after pressing the deconstructing button you will have a little cube of condensed non-choppinness that is easily disposable. You may think what is that going to cost me? thousands of dollars? No for three easy payments of 49.99 it can be yours, but that is not all folks. Included in that same price is the reconstruction portion of the coolness converter where by simply placing Choppin' items; such as sweat pant capris, designated choppin' beverages, Red Hot Coney Island Chicken Fingers Pita, pictures of present choppin' legends, parts of old dixie choppers, etc. etc., in the apparatus' central bin and then after pressing the Choppin' button you will produce a clear paste that you can rub over your body and within weeks you will notice a distinct Choppin' effect on your lifestyle and how people relate to you.
If you are one of the next twenty-five orders you will also receive an autographed 100 percent original copy of the Magical Pond Story by its author Btt45. On top of all that you will be helping a person in need with this decision of yours. 100 percent of the profits, after the five-tenths appearance and endorsing fee goes to the Choppin' company, will be donated to the Wham Dickham Tractor Sex Safety Initiative.
With a heavy heart I have to tell our captive audience that inventor of tractor sex, Wham Dickham was injured in a unfortunate tractor sex accident where he accidentally switched on the blade and ended up losing a big toe and now he just walks around in endless circles. This money will help him with his wish to have transplant big toe surgery to correct this deficiency. So your support means alot to the Choppin' Nation.
*this is not 100 percent guaranteed to work on people with varying amounts of non-choppinness but what else do you have to lose*
**it will take up to six to eight weeks for us to lose this apparatus in the mail but still have time to cash your check or money order**
Right now I would like to present to you the Super 100 Percent Automatic Choppin' Nation Dice-O-Matic 3000 Coolness Converter. Now you may be asking old Dick Wiley what is the Super 100 Percent Automatic Choppin' Nation Dice-O-Matic 3000 Coolness Converter? and how will it help improve my life? Well let me tell you that this handy dandy choppin' apparatus is to coolness converting what the ginshu knife is to never ending sharp knives that cut through stuff that doesn't even need to be cut but is just done to prove a point. All you non-choppers run to the bathroom and get a towel because in no time when I tell you what this can do for your lifestyle you will be drooling like a fat kid outside an Old Country Buffet right before the doors are unlocked. This coolness converter simply will change your life as my assistant Vanessa Vanderhosen will demonstrate.
First you take any non-choppin' material that is cluttering your house such as those big sunglasses all the starlets in hollywood wear, or a vanity license plate, or non-approved alcoholic beverages, or ugly clothes, etc. etc. the list goes on. Within seconds after pressing the deconstructing button you will have a little cube of condensed non-choppinness that is easily disposable. You may think what is that going to cost me? thousands of dollars? No for three easy payments of 49.99 it can be yours, but that is not all folks. Included in that same price is the reconstruction portion of the coolness converter where by simply placing Choppin' items; such as sweat pant capris, designated choppin' beverages, Red Hot Coney Island Chicken Fingers Pita, pictures of present choppin' legends, parts of old dixie choppers, etc. etc., in the apparatus' central bin and then after pressing the Choppin' button you will produce a clear paste that you can rub over your body and within weeks you will notice a distinct Choppin' effect on your lifestyle and how people relate to you.
If you are one of the next twenty-five orders you will also receive an autographed 100 percent original copy of the Magical Pond Story by its author Btt45. On top of all that you will be helping a person in need with this decision of yours. 100 percent of the profits, after the five-tenths appearance and endorsing fee goes to the Choppin' company, will be donated to the Wham Dickham Tractor Sex Safety Initiative.
With a heavy heart I have to tell our captive audience that inventor of tractor sex, Wham Dickham was injured in a unfortunate tractor sex accident where he accidentally switched on the blade and ended up losing a big toe and now he just walks around in endless circles. This money will help him with his wish to have transplant big toe surgery to correct this deficiency. So your support means alot to the Choppin' Nation.
*this is not 100 percent guaranteed to work on people with varying amounts of non-choppinness but what else do you have to lose*
**it will take up to six to eight weeks for us to lose this apparatus in the mail but still have time to cash your check or money order**
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