Get 2 Choppin

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful American couple that worked for the Embassy in a little country where baguettes, berets and Bastille day were markers of the national identity. This lovely couple had a beautiful baby boy one summer day awhile back, and that boy is moi. Je m'appelle Brian. After years of eating croissants, drinking red wine at every meal and dealing with these belligerent French people saying "Oui, Oui Monsieur huh huh huh" , I decided to return home to my motherland and visit the places that mon pere et ma mere spent their currency of youth on. Three days into my visit after meeting up with my longtime pen pal, Dan Wickham and his little magician sidekick Joey the Magnificient and his puppet and friend Officer Goodman I encountered my first experience with this delicious American cuisine called pizza. The three of us dined at a place called Pizza Hut and oddly enough it was not made out of pizza or was a hut but instead it served this amazing food called Pizza Pie. After being amused by Joey the Magnificient and Officer Goodman and his safety tips of the day, the pizza finally arrived with its gooey cheesy top and its plethora of strategically placed meats called pepperoni and italian sausage. After grabbing a slice of this pizza, I set about to sprinkling some parmesan cheese on it and then to my error I decided to cut the pizza. This had Joey the Magnificient in an uproar as he proclaimed to the waitress despite my embarassment, "Look he's cutting his pizza, he's from France. Ha! Ha! Ha!" Apparently the trick was on me for in France we always cut our food with utensils even Hamburgers which as I learned later is another Faux pas and earned me the title of the Gooney Frenchman. Well as Officer Goodman says, "The safety tip of the day is to never cut your pizza because it is better to burn the roof of your mouth and get toppings on your shirt then to look like a Frenchmen."