Tuesday
Dec252007
Here's, Cheers, and Beers to you santa
Tuesday, December 25, 2007 at 03:50PM
Well It is christmas day and I hope all you choppinites were nice and not naughty, okay maybe a little bit naughty.
Anyway this post is for good old St. Nick. This guy has probably got the hardest job on the planet. First of all he has to work with a bunch of midgets, I mean any heavy lifting around the place and he is the guy. That big sack of presents ain't getting budged by no weak little elf. His back is probably shot. The only good thing about it would be the weekly basketball game. It would like ex-pro basketball player Greg Heston tearing it up in the Filipino Professional league.
Second he has the pressure of having to deliver all those gifts in one night. Thank god he doesn't work for the post office or we would never see a damn present and he would probably flip out under the pressure and leave grenades in everyone's stockings.
Think about the fact that he has to ride around on a damn sled, can't he hire any smart elves to bring that thing into the 21st century. Plus, imagine riding around having to smell reindeer gas, it is not like rudolph and his buddies are on a high fiber diet. It is all grains. I don't want to mention the whole reindeer poop spit thing, but I bet by the end of the night his beard is crustier than the underside of a booger picker's chair.
Plus it has to be torture on that fat dude seeing all those treats left for him. You know he ain't in the best shape with that extra weight. He is probably one christmas cookie away from a diabetic coma. I just hope he isn't lactose intolerant. Poor Mrs. Claus better stay away from his candy cane if you know what I mean.
The worst part is the hazards of breaking and entering through a chimney. By the end of the night and all that chimney soot on him people probably think he is a black guy trying to steal their shit. You know what that means, Mrs. Claus might have to pick out the occoasional buckshot out of Pere Noel's dimpled ass (imagine that smell after a night of work in all that wool).
So here's, cheers, and beers to you Santa Claus and tell that damn lazy midget next to you to get you another drink. Pronto. You have earned it.
Anyway this post is for good old St. Nick. This guy has probably got the hardest job on the planet. First of all he has to work with a bunch of midgets, I mean any heavy lifting around the place and he is the guy. That big sack of presents ain't getting budged by no weak little elf. His back is probably shot. The only good thing about it would be the weekly basketball game. It would like ex-pro basketball player Greg Heston tearing it up in the Filipino Professional league.
Second he has the pressure of having to deliver all those gifts in one night. Thank god he doesn't work for the post office or we would never see a damn present and he would probably flip out under the pressure and leave grenades in everyone's stockings.
Think about the fact that he has to ride around on a damn sled, can't he hire any smart elves to bring that thing into the 21st century. Plus, imagine riding around having to smell reindeer gas, it is not like rudolph and his buddies are on a high fiber diet. It is all grains. I don't want to mention the whole reindeer poop spit thing, but I bet by the end of the night his beard is crustier than the underside of a booger picker's chair.
Plus it has to be torture on that fat dude seeing all those treats left for him. You know he ain't in the best shape with that extra weight. He is probably one christmas cookie away from a diabetic coma. I just hope he isn't lactose intolerant. Poor Mrs. Claus better stay away from his candy cane if you know what I mean.
The worst part is the hazards of breaking and entering through a chimney. By the end of the night and all that chimney soot on him people probably think he is a black guy trying to steal their shit. You know what that means, Mrs. Claus might have to pick out the occoasional buckshot out of Pere Noel's dimpled ass (imagine that smell after a night of work in all that wool).
So here's, cheers, and beers to you Santa Claus and tell that damn lazy midget next to you to get you another drink. Pronto. You have earned it.
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