Wednesday
Oct242007
Letter to the editor....
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 12:37PM
It has come to my recent attention that with the ever increasing population of get2choppin.com (I mean we have ads now, we must be big) that as editor-in-choppin I should respond to some of the e-mails I get. Recently we received a letter from a little boy named Dylan who is seven years old and lives in Terre Haute, Indiana.
He writes:
Dear Choppin' guys,
Recently I lost my favorite teddy bear Rex, and have been getting attacked by the dream monsters. I am afraid to go to bed and I don't know what to do. I was so scared one night I even peed my bed because I dreamed I was getting attacked by shower monsters. Can you please help me? Thanks Dylan
Well Dylan yes we can help you. First let me say that get2choppin.com is all about community service and helping the youth of this country become more choppin'. Second Dylan you need to suck it up. There is no such things as fucking dream monsters. I mean shit trying dreaming about getting attacked by a four hundred pound albino woman covered in marshmellow from the waist down who wants to rip your dick off and use it as a toothpick after she smothers you with her back boobs. That shit is scary, but I go on, I mean get2choppin.com goes on. Shit you probably still think there is a fucking santa claus and a damn easter bunny. Wake up kid and I don't mean from these silly dreams you are having. Open your damn eyes to the fact that it is probably your fault anyways.
I don't know what you did you little slapdick. Maybe you stole a transformer toy from the local wal-mart where your mom is working up to be manager in about ten years or so. Or maybe you walked in on your mommy and daddy in the shower and you can't get that gurgling sound out of your head. Well I don't give a shit, I got bigger fish to fry Dylan. So if you want to help yourself when you find that little rat bastard of a teddy bear Rex you unstuff him and fill him with those left over pieces of nicorette your Dad tried for a day when he thought about quitting his two a pack day habit and then you hang him up in the back of your trailer park on the god damned rusted out swing set that the former resident had and you go all pinata on his ass, while the other pathetic little fucks in the neighborhood start diving around for those nicotine chicklets like it is their future welfare checks. Then you laugh like a fucking maniac and run around screaming 100 percent motherfuckers 100 percent motherfuckers, until your lungs want to explode. Then and only then will you be on the path to choppinness.
Well Dylan I am glad to be of service and if anybody else needs help feel free to leave a comment at get2choppin.com and we will supply you with all your choppin' needs.
He writes:
Dear Choppin' guys,
Recently I lost my favorite teddy bear Rex, and have been getting attacked by the dream monsters. I am afraid to go to bed and I don't know what to do. I was so scared one night I even peed my bed because I dreamed I was getting attacked by shower monsters. Can you please help me? Thanks Dylan
Well Dylan yes we can help you. First let me say that get2choppin.com is all about community service and helping the youth of this country become more choppin'. Second Dylan you need to suck it up. There is no such things as fucking dream monsters. I mean shit trying dreaming about getting attacked by a four hundred pound albino woman covered in marshmellow from the waist down who wants to rip your dick off and use it as a toothpick after she smothers you with her back boobs. That shit is scary, but I go on, I mean get2choppin.com goes on. Shit you probably still think there is a fucking santa claus and a damn easter bunny. Wake up kid and I don't mean from these silly dreams you are having. Open your damn eyes to the fact that it is probably your fault anyways.
I don't know what you did you little slapdick. Maybe you stole a transformer toy from the local wal-mart where your mom is working up to be manager in about ten years or so. Or maybe you walked in on your mommy and daddy in the shower and you can't get that gurgling sound out of your head. Well I don't give a shit, I got bigger fish to fry Dylan. So if you want to help yourself when you find that little rat bastard of a teddy bear Rex you unstuff him and fill him with those left over pieces of nicorette your Dad tried for a day when he thought about quitting his two a pack day habit and then you hang him up in the back of your trailer park on the god damned rusted out swing set that the former resident had and you go all pinata on his ass, while the other pathetic little fucks in the neighborhood start diving around for those nicotine chicklets like it is their future welfare checks. Then you laugh like a fucking maniac and run around screaming 100 percent motherfuckers 100 percent motherfuckers, until your lungs want to explode. Then and only then will you be on the path to choppinness.
Well Dylan I am glad to be of service and if anybody else needs help feel free to leave a comment at get2choppin.com and we will supply you with all your choppin' needs.
Reader Comments (2)
Come on lay off the kid. That is just down right not right. If you know what I mean. Maybe he has issues. like back issues of trailer park tushies where his mom is on page 33 of the 2006 may issue. she is one hot piece of ass.
Dear Brian,
You suck.
Love,
Jacki