Get 2 Choppin

You may have recently noticed a change in the layout here at get2choppin.com. The lone sponsor of this site Google Adsense removed their ads without warning about two weeks ago. I formally submitted an appeal but was recently contacted that the appeal had been denied because as they said, “your account poses a significant risk to our advertisers. For this reason, we’re unable to reinstate your account. Thank you for understanding.”   

This is what I don’t understand, what do you, Google, mean by a significant risk? Is it because I have integrity and don’t bow down to Google’s watered down version of what is popular and appropriate? I am sorry I don’t write what you, Google, or your greed filled money-sucking vacuums on the fabric of society that you call your advertisers want me to write about.  I will not put on rose-colored glasses and sweep the first amendment rights of every choppin’ American under the corporate umbrella of your No Talent Ass Clown Company. I don’t care how big you are you are not as big as the American sense of right and wrong and fair play.

You and your advertisers are just a bunch of No Talented Ass Clowns that have sold out for the all mighty dollar. I find it quite ironic that some of the ads that appeared on my site (not because I wanted them that is for sure) were for gay thug dating sites. Is this the type of advertisers that I am placing at risk? I would be more concern if I was Bank of America and I was being lumped in with gay thugs who like to do the rear dick hug.

Is it a coincidence that the recent increase in the popularity of get2choppin.com and thus a gradual increase in the site’s profit margin happen to coincide with Google removing their adsense participation? I think not. Google you are the big fat hairy tarantula in this World Wide Web and we are just little flies caught up in your sticky information trap because we wanted to google our ex-girlfriend or find out what lugubrious means but I think it is time for you to take a long look at your ugly self in the mirror you eight legged big shoed freak of a No-Talent Ass Clown.     

Sometimes we forget about the little wonders of the world like the incredible edible egg. Since the day of the caveman and his quest for the delectable pterodactyl egg and its powerful protein proportions this valuable nutritious commodity has been filling our bellies from morning until night (there is nothing like a late-night greasy omelet from a 24 hour Coney Island or the equivalent type of restaurant and personally I would lean toward the vegetarian omelet that is swimming in feta cheese with hash browns and wheat toast with strawberry jam).

The egg is such a marvelous gift from God. It comes in its own pre-built protective case that is structurally one of the soundest on the planet. Ever notice the escape pods on most futuristic space vehicles in movies how they use the egg shape as their basis, coincidence I think not.

The question of which came first the chicken or the egg is one philosophical conundrum that has in its answer all that humanity seeks. If you ask me God is hiding inside that little eggshell of a question just waiting for someone to warm him up so he can poke on through and say, “hey guys its me God. You didn’t think I existed did you? DID YOU? I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU AND SMITE YOU ALL but oh yeah don’t worry I forgive too!!”

Let’s get back to the egg. You may think the egg is not all it is cracked up to be but I say this little guy is more than just the incredible edible egg. It has egg-cellent etiquette as you can see by the picture above. I mean what other food is willing to forgo the fact that you don’t have your best face on in the morning and look you straight in the eye and see you for who you really are. What a great little guy and if you think any different than the yolks on you because the egg also makes a great projectile especially with Halloween coming up so you better watch out and not egg me on. Your question won’t be whether the chicken or the egg came first, it will be should I duck before the egg hits me in the forehead.    

I have to say I am little upset right now and I believe it is high time that we seek to repeal the 1923 Equal Rights Amendment due to the fact that I believe women are not upholding their end of the bargain.

Obviously men have made a valiant attempt to assimilate woman into the world of equality. Not only can we grow and hunt most of our food sources, but also most men have made that arduous journey into the cooking pan’s labyrinth and can cook and prepare their own food just as well if not better than woman. Some prime examples of the male culinary experts are the Iron Chef, Emeril Lagasse, Chef Gordon Ramsey from Hell’s Kitchen, Anthony Bourdain and Bobby Flay to name a few. The women basically have Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray. I have to say I have two male friends that are better cooks than anyone else I know, Chef Sears “the meat perfectly” and Wham “Finger Lick ‘em” Dickham.

Now if we look at the opposite side of this equation and try to balance things out we should expect to see women out changing their car’s oil or dry walling the attic. Hell the occasional spider kill would be nice but it just doesn’t happen unless they are straight driving on the street Van Bull Dyke. The equation has becomes so unbalanced it is preposterous. Men do their own laundry and also clean, I mean Aunt Jemina is on the syrup bottle but it is the sexy baldy, Mr. Clean on the floor cleaner and don’t forget about Mr. Brawny taking care of those four sheeter messes that women make in the kitchen since they have become out of touch with their true chi.

The other thing I noticed that drives me up a wall is how women dog it in the weight room. They want equal rights but yet you show them how to do a squat and after the third rep they are like, “is this going to make my butt big?”. Of course the only reason you choo-choo chose to drag your girl to the gym is to slim that chubby caboose down but you can’t tell her that because they don’t even want to hear the truth. Then they want to participate in sports so you attempt to help them not embarrass themselves by making them stronger and more agile by ramping up the intensity and they cry, “ugh! I’m sweating I didn’t sign up for this. I just want to get some abs and those lines in my lower back.”

Last but not least I want to point out that women complain about not getting equal pay for equal work. Have they not heard about working their way up the ladder? They have been in the male workforce for about 70 years out of 6000 or so, I think they have got a little way to go before they start asking for that next pay raise. I just ain’t feeling this is all that equal if you know what I mean.

This past weekend made me realize something, you do not want to be that guy that just hangs out for no reason. It is one thing if you are chilling with your friends and the entire group has no plans and it is one of those random nights out where anything can happen but when you are in a group that is doing something for a specific reason and you are tagging along for the conversation or whatever lame reasons you can come with you are being that guy.

Let me explain, here is an example situation: Two individuals were spending the night at their friend’s house and they had left their cars on the street of this certain city that tickets your vehicle if left between 2am and 6am (I won’t get into how much I think that this is a rip-off). They had made the attempt to call the proper authorities and explain that they were leaving their cars there but had apparently missed the cut-off deadline. With the economy the way it is they felt it would be frivolous to just leave the vehicles unattended for the po-po to freely ticket them and take their hard-earned money so they decided to stay up until 6 am.  Another one of their friends, Bellows, whom they assumed was also staying up to watch out for a ticket on his vehicle, joined the conversation.

As the 6 A.M. hour drew near it came to the attention of the two vehicle owners that Bellows did not have his vehicle there and was waiting up for no reason at all. He was that guy, again. We all like to party, I get it, but that is completely ridiculous. The conversation was pretty interesting and it revolved around the United States economic crises and the political climate and upcoming election but I didn’t know that Bellows was the George Stephanopoulos of the group, okay maybe the Wolf Blitzered of the group and obviously someone that considers it more important to forego sleep and stay up and infiltrate another’s conversation. 

If you tend to be that guy this is for your benefit, so don’t be a square and try to hang around in a circle of friends that you just don’t have a reason to fit in with. It would be the equivalent of hanging around one of the Salvation Army bell ringers with your own little bucket collecting money to buy a new whip as a Christmas present for your girlfriend or standing next to the furry hat British Royal guard that protects Buckingham Place and trying to fight anyone that tries to make your new friend move. It is tacky and you are being a big fat ugly poster board. 

Hi there! I’m Billy the Beaver and when I am not busy out building structures to block the flow of water in small backwoods rivers I like to chew on different topics and ideas that pop into my head. As you can see from the picture above there is a reason why I call it Billy the Beaver being Buddha-like.

I have to say that something has been gnawing at me lately and by golly I am going to get it off my chest before a little beaver dam forms in an artery in my heart and causes me to have a stroke.  I can’t understand or fathom why the heck girls take pictures of themselves going to the bathroom and then post them on Facebook. I have to say this isn’t an original idea and I like to give credit where credit is due. It was Wham The White-tail Deer, with his boundless energy and grace that brought this up to me in a conversation we had over at the waterfall.

Seriously though why do woman find it necessary to sit on a toilet and with one hand held high take a shot of themselves in all their glory. Even out here in the midst of Mother Nature I have the decency to walk behind a tree before I whip out my beaver bravado and take care of my beaver business. Your in for a real shocker ladies if you think your man wants to see that photo blasted all over the world wide web. Plus, you don’t see us fellows snapping away with our camera like Steve Irwin trying to catch a glimpse of the infamous trouser snake when we are in the bathroom.

Another thing this bi-partisan beaver can’t stand is all the political back and forth bickering that goes on in the status updates of some of my Facebook friends. Seriously, I will be a bear’s breakfast before I care whether Obama won’t make a good president because he once hit a squirrel with his car (as a beaver you may not know that I am for the cruel and unusual punishment of those prolific bastards) or that John McCain would make a great president because he could never kill an animal (of course the reason is because he would shoot himself in the foot as the result of him not being able to lift his arms above his chest). Keep your status updating pie hole shut and let me decide. Oh yeah. Damn the republicans! Beavers for Barrack in ’08.