Get 2 Choppin

The following are the current power rankings for the summer of ‘08

1a. Turd Ferguson: He has the ultimate combination of sex and flex appeal. He goes from rockstar to firefighter to grand protector of the freedom of the United States without blinking an eye. His ascent to number one was solidified by the fact that he quickly responded to a recent code 45; a legend was in need of getting a ride and getting rid of the girl-scout bellows (because he is a tag along).

1b. Wham Dickham: He is the personification of cool. He continually acts in a manner that represents the choppin’ nation in a positive light. He has raised the integrity bar to the utmost levels. It is so high, in fact, that to Bellows in his no integrity telescope it looks like the planet Neverwill in the far off galaxy of Bechoppin.

3. K.C. the Sunshine Man: His recent unanimous election as the fourth and latest choppin’ legend has vaulted him up the power rankings. He lights up our life like the quality electrician that he is.

4. John E. Bravo: Due to no fault of his own he has slipped on the banana peel of life and taken a little bit of trip. The fact that he is 3000 miles away and still in the top five is a testament to his choppin’ character and once he finds a dime he will come back and pay the Clawson library for the printer paper he walked out with in a rush. I swear.

5. The big J.C., enough said, not to critique him but a little more turning water into wine could possibly give him a shot to get in the top three. 

6. Johnny Sings the Blues: His recent performance at a charity bowling event locks up his spot in the top six. He is one to watch out for. He is on the cusp of being the next choppin’ legend, so let’s see how he handles the pressure over the following weeks and let’s keep an eye on his performance.

7. Nick: The first lady of the choppin’ nation. The mere presence of Wham Dickham rubbing one off on her, I mean rubbing off on her has helped her immensely. She is also the official bartender of get2choppin.com and does a great job of making the drinks sing like the three tenors.   

8. The California chapter of get2choppin.com has broken into the top ten with their recent hospitality toward John E. Bravo.

9. Jaybear: He has been a recurring figure with his well placed comments and questions. He is keeping us on our toes here at HQ.

10. Carl the Chipmunk rounds out the top ten. He is pure class. He could be like all the other chipmunks and use his hands but, oh no, he prefers to use utensils and unlike Bellows he can tell you which one is the salad fork.  

11. Mark, the Roost regular: He pops up on the list here at no. 11 because he finally invited some of the crew back to his crib. He could have made the top ten if he would have done it when John E. Bravo was in town but live and learn.

12. Brandon (Tara’s love slave):  Not sure why he is on the list. I guess because he was once in a soccer game that Wham Dickham scored all four goals and the rest of both teams combined for zero. Technically he is part of history, I mean you can’t have a shiny crown for the king with out someone cleaning the knobs and jewels.

13. Golden Tee: The bar game of all bar games.

14. Keno: A chance to win money to pay for your bar tab. Ingenious.

15. Barry the Beach Bum: I can only imagine what treasures he has in that suitcase. It might even be an instrument, the possibilities are endless, I mean not for him but for us.

16.  Dog poo on the bottom of the shoe: This one goes both ways. I mean it sucks if it is you but when somebody steps in poo, it is just funny and really smelly.

17. The Female Bellows: Wagon Train O’Neil, I am not sure but she is probably still a mess of no integrity.

18: Bellows: Locking up the bottom spot has earned this former onion of the week the nickname Basement Bellows. The new ball and chain on his ankle is a further guarantee to cement his position and we can only expect continued selling out behavior. 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 1st, 2008 at 12:57 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.