Get 2 Choppin

We here at get2choppin.com have the inside scoop on the latest underground sport that is taking hold in America. No it is not dog fighting or cock fighting, but it is close to the latter. It is nude male mud volleyball and it is all the rage in Germany. Our mole looking through the peephole of this new sports craze that has sliently crept into America while all you rudy prudies were sleeping is Hans Onyerbunz and he has the story for us, Hans take it away.

Hans: “Hi I am Hans Onyerbunz and I am like vut you call a dog valker and I have da latest scoop on da inside poop of this sport. This vulleyball is awesome as you Americans say.”

Get2choppin: “well what is so great hans? please go on.”

Hans: “Seriously you do not know. Vut is better then a bunch of muddy weiners bouncing everyvere. Rippling abs and dangling balls all covered in mud, sign me up. I can’t vait I vant to clean them all off by spraying them vith my hose.”

Get2choppin: “Sounds pretty exciting if you know what I mean, but is there any downsides?”

Hans: “Well every once in a vile you get a meanie on da court and ve call him a vulley bully. It is not so bad cause that vulley bully gets a five minute spanking penalty vere some lucky fan gets to paddle his behind.”

Get2choppin: “Is there anything else you would like to tell the choppin nation, Hans?”

Hans: “Vell if you don’t like to exert yourself so much you can always be an equipment handler, he he he. Or you can make sure the balls are clean in between games. I can’t vait for the next match. If you know vut I mean”

Get2choppin: Well folks there you have it the latest sport that is streaking across the country. I hope you all get a chance to join a team and after the game is done make sure you leave your balls out so someone else can play with them later.

So you think you have seen it all. Well tonight we saw it all, the temper of all tempers roared its ugly head when Mr. Wham Dickham let it all hang out unfortunately Kruzer the Boozer took the brunt of the tirade and Brian the long haired had to hold down Dan the short tempered cause he likes to party. Bua the sniper was absent from the altercation cause he was talking to his girlfriend Larry in memphis if you know what i mean. Reeser was just being reeser which means he was no where to be found. In the end it came down to Brian the long haired to be the shining knight, the hero, and the greatest guy ever living to save the day by being so cool and so choppin’.

okay listen up you fucking slapdicks, the fucking prick is back. So ladies don’t get your fucking granny panties in a bunch and all you sissy boys get your thumbs out of your mouth and pay attention. This is fucking bothering me all you my chemical romancers and your skinny ass pants that make you look like a fucking heroin addict and a wanna be rockstar. Shit, you pansies probably aren’t even drug addicts, you fucking frauds and man I can’t stand fucking frauds. The next time I see one of you little wussy boys i am coming up to you an taking two fingers and poking you in the fucking chest four times saying, “you’re a fucking fraud”. I mean if you are going to look like that you damn well better be all drugged up cause otherwise you got no excuse in my book. Shit probably on the third chest tap, your fucking skinny ass legs will give out and you will fucking end up suing me for something like emotional distress which is bullshit cause there is no such thing. Women have emotional distress, it is called their period, so unless you got a gosh darn fucking tampon shoved up your ass you better not be suing me for that.

And second what is up with all the fucking black, seriously are you that fucking depressed? well go jump off a 10 ten story building with a five story noose around your fucking neck or maybe tie a couple ten pound weights to your skinny legs and jump in a lake. Shit don’t do that cause your weak ass probably couldn’t make it to the lake and instead would die of fucking starvation on the side of the road and we’d have to clean that up. Ain’t nobody stopping to save you either buddy trust me. Skinny pants just fucking scream: turn and run this guy ain’t right in the fucking head. Shit you mother f-ing pansy’s aren’t the ones taking the solo ride six feet down, it is usually the one’s that appear happy. They are the one’s trying to fool everybody. You guys are just fakers. Shit just wear some pastels how hard is that. And don’t go get all “oh, man he sold out he is wearing a pastel hollister shirt.” Because this pastel wearing fucking prick will break your weak ass in half.

You know another thing that fucking bothers me is fucking bitches that wear shit either written on their ass or their chest and then they get all mad because some guy got caught looking at the princess written across said ass or said chest. Shit I am a literate mother fucker so if I see something written on your ass I am damn well going to read it and even if i was an illiterate son of a bitch I would at least pretend to read it. Do you ladies know who fucking designs the little sweat pants that say whore or I mean sweetness on the back of it? it was a dude, simple fact; who else would put writing on a girl’s ass. Shit if it was your ex-boyfriend it would probably say cunt or pyscho bitch.

Another thing, all you girls that really shouldn’t be wearing shit like that, well then don’t. I mean if you got a big ass or a flat chest and you have basically a bulls eye of an outfit on a feature that you don’t want fucking featured well then don’t get in a fucking tizzy when a guy says to his boys “look at that flat chested girl with the words holla back” and the only thing they are thinking really is that, is that your front or back and did you put your fucking hollow ass head on backwards today. Girls with wide asses just come on now seriously the only writing you need on there is the words soon to be sponsored by jenny craig. i am out you slapdicks.

Once in a while as a reporter you come upon a story that just can’t be ignored. When I, investigative reporter Dick Wiley, heard about the secret of the nut tug special there was nothing that was going to stop me from getting to the end of this story. It all started one day when I got a mysterious phone call from some British wanker named Sir Tuggis Puddiwhacker, who said that the nut tug special was something that couldn’t be ignored if you were truly someone that was looking into reaching the climax of anticipatory reactions to a great scoop. So being the reporter I was I decided to do my due diligence and I scoured the ranks of the underground looking for someone that might be able to tell me about the nut tug special. Finally after weeks of exhaustive research I was wandering amongst the working class girls of 8 mile during their happy hour of 6 pm to 8 pm when a beautiful slightly toothless girl with one high heeled shoe, a slipper and a striped mechanics shirt with the name Dale came up to me and said,”I may be able to help you kind sir with the nut tug special if you only spare me ten dollars to buy a rock of crack and vintage bottle of ripple.” Without hesitation I jumped at the chance to delve into a world unbeknownst to me that would change the way I look at the world for the rest of my life……..

You know what people i can’t fucking stand it when people honk at me in my car when i am sitting at the light. So what if I am not paying attention to the light and maybe i am changing my shirt or looking for my cell phone or changing the station or maybe i am just being a fucking prick. Did you ever think, that maybe i am not looking for anything, maybe just maybe i am purposely sitting at the fucking light for no good fucking reason. Yeah i am that guy that was sent to make you late for whatever mundane fucking thing your stupid ass needs to get to.

Well enoughs enough maybe your late and impatient ass should be more considerate and fucking leave five minutes earlier then shit like this wouldn’t happen. Because it is funny, all the sudden you’re fucking honk at me, and so I go but then you go fucking ten miles an hour like you weren’t in a hurry in the first place you motherfucking slapdick. Get your shit together and know what you want.

Secondly all you slapdicks that feel the need to order fifty dollars worth of food in the drive thru lane of a fast food restaurant you fuckers should be told to pullover and then be injected with beef fat until your gosh blessed heart explodes. You shitheads ever think that yeah i am ordering ten double fatass combos maybe i should walk inside so the person behind me a.k.a. usually me doesn’t have to sit there for a half an hour while you drool over whether to get fucking ranch or barbecue sauce for your lard nuggets and then end up getting both of them because you figure those ten packets of ranch will go good with anything when late at night you get the craving for a ranch and whatever is left in my fridge casserole.

You fucking fat slobs I don’t give a rat’s ass if it is a group order from work, you know your grease covered fingers will be picking at everyone’s onion rings and french fries and you’ll end up walking in with enough salt on your upper lip that your co-workers will think you took a swim in the dead sea.

You know what really makes me take a dive off the prick platform is those motherfucking whorelets that wear those big ass sunglasses like they are fucking hollywood movie stars. Get a grip ladies, if you want to pick up a bad habit from those ladies maybe get in your fucking Ford focus after taking a couple shots of jager and some benzies while eating a fucking single triscuit for the entire day then drive the wrong fucking way down the highway. Now that’s fucking cool and ballsy. They ain’t imitating shit. That will get you more street cred then those fucking glasses and by the way the only reason they wear those glasses is cause their eyes are probably bloodshot from putting more drugs in their body then a country doctor has in his little locked up medicine chest. I mean you want a habit to pick how about anexoria or bulima, I mean this country is getting fatter by the day. I wouldn’t worry about an earthquake taking out the fucking coasts probably with all the fatties in this country one side of the good old USA will just tip and people will slide off into the ocean. So help us all out and dump the glasses and maybe stick your finger down your throat a couple of fucking times for the sake of the entire country.

While you’re at buy a sewing kit and sew up those rips in your jeans. Okay maybe if you are fucking homeless I will let it slide but jiminy crickets you spend 100 dollars on jeans to have them be ripped. That is the biggest fucking scam ever. Go to a thrift store and buy them like that for 5 bucks and take the other 95 fucking dollars and go to the bank and get as many rolls of quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies as you can and shove them up your stupid good for nothing ass you greed sucking capitalistic pig and then whatever is left buy your self a fucking clue. Okay i am like a needle and have done my pricking now i am out.